It's been a long and hard week without Mike, I have been on a roller coaster of emotions but without it I wouldn't have such the midset I am working with now. Juile texted me saying she was going to stop by my house for a minute while she was headed onto work, but even with that, I still wasn't prepared for what she had to say.
Yesterday was the hardest day of my life telling someone who I care deeply about to get out of my life. I have been pissed at every thing, including myself. I have been beating myself up for letting go of Mike. Mike has been the greatest thing that has came into my life. No matter what is the distance is, I know that my feelings for him will never change. They have only seemed to grow as the moments went by and when I looked into those big brown eyes, I felt nothing anymore. I only saw him. Nothing seemed to matter at that point in time, that I knew everything would be okay. I was strong and not only for myself but for him. He became my best friend, and I don't know why I let that go. I've sat in my room all day, mad at all the tiny things. I even got mad that my cat came into my room, when I yelled at her and told her to leave me alone. I knew I was becoming hysterical just by one day and for some reason, I didn't see a lot of other days ahead of me.
Day two came around, I was feeling the weight on my shoulders but I refused to let someone see me cry and see me at my weakest point in life. I knew I was still between being pissed off at Mike but I was mostly overwhelmed by the sadness that crept into my heart. I was upset at the fact that I let him go, but I knew I had to let him go. He was seeing someone and I couldn't let my feelings get in the way of that. I didn't need myself sad and Mike. If anything I wanted Mike to be happy and if it meant being happy without me, then I would be okay with that.
As day three rolled around, I was getting drownded by my tears. I felt so low and helpless as I stared at my computer in the corner and phone on my night stand. Mike hasn't texted me at all or even seemed to care by what happened the other day. I can't blame him though, now he can move on with his life and without having to drag along a poor little girl. I have been crying the past hour and the tears haven't seemed to stop one bit. Every time I close my eyes to stop them, I can only picture two long strong arms around me. They are Mike's. I have came to realize that, not only do I have strong feelings for Mike, but that I love him. I love him more than I have loved anything, and this distance makes it even more worth while. I have only dreamt of those arms being around me about a thousand times since I have commented on his Instagram picture.
Day four has been one of the hardest days, I went to school and did nothing. I have been doing nothing for the past half week. I don't see the point in doing anything anymore, I feel as if my better half has been ripped from me. We joke around as if our lives depended on it. We make faces at each other in hopes to cheer one of us up. He sends me the corniest love songs and poets, and I only hoped as if he wasn trying to tell me something. I guess he wasn't though, I guess he only wanted my opinion on it so he could know wether or not to send it to, Hailey. My heart swells at the name of her, and I can feel myself on the verge of tears. I went to the bathroom to hide my sobbing away from my family, so I didn't have to face them with this such an odd story of Mike and I. I thought back to Mike and how he spent most of his days in the bathroom, and thats when my mind went to the blade. I considered taking the blade to my wrist in hopes of releasing the pain as it did for Mike, but I quickly erase the thoughts as I know Mike would be upset at me.
Day five and six seemed to run together when Juile came over to speak to me about everything, I broke down. I broke down to her and I told her how much I did infact love Michael Christopher Fuentes. I gave her every little detail as to why and told her multiple stories when we would cam with each other and stay up late doing nothing. I told her the night that Mike fell asleep before me and I watched him. He slept so peaceful and I wanted to do nothing but hold him in my arms and run my fingers throughout his hair as his body intertwines with mine. She held my hand as I let everything out.
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