I know this was going to come one day soon but I was hoping I could have told him in my own way when I was ready. I didn't want it to come out this way but I don't have much choice since he has seen them. I hate the fact it's about to go down because now he's going to think I was hiding it from him.
But you were.
"Let me explain." I look down at my scars and everything hits me back to that night and I can feel my face warming up and tears getting ready to fall out.
"How could you, Addi?" He ask me and his gentle tone makes it even worse and I am left speechless.
"Why did you? Was it because of me?" He asks another question and I feel empty on the inside. I shouldn't have done this because now I am here regretting everything and I know I just hurt the guy I care about most in the world.
I can't speak, I can only nod.
"What the hell Addison? I knew things were rough but I wasn't expecting this to happen." He raises his voice a bit and I can feel a tear fall from my eye.
"Mike. Let me talk." I speak up and my voice cracks.
He looks at me and searches for something in my eyes, but I notice so much more emotion in his than mine. I can tell he is having flashbacks as to what his childhood was like and it makes my heart drop. I knew this would be the hardest part of it all.
Not hurting myself, but hurting him.
"I don't know what I was thinking." I take a breath and continue, "Everything was happening so fast and I wasn't thinking correctly. I could only see the hurt and pain I have been dealing with in the past weeks and I had nothing else to give. I felt so alone. I have never been in this position. I have never cared about someone the way I care about you." I choke on a sob and I find it very hard right now and I can tell Mike is uncomfortable by all of this.
"When you told me about your past and the way you self harmed to get relief, I considered it so much. I know it's bad to say but I wanted that too. I wanted something to take away all of my thoughts because they were consuming me. I was hurting so much and I wanted to do nothing more than to release that and be okay. I wasn't okay though. It only made it worse."
I have so many tears in my eyes it's getting hard for me to see, and I can't quit choking on my sobs enough for me to pay attention to Mike.
He has a tear rolling down his cheek.
"Addison." Mike whispers and I look up at him.
"I have never wanted anyone to experience what I went through." He lets out a deep breath and I can tell he is having a hard time letting this out.
"I have never wanted anyone to go through that. What I did is a horrible thing. Do you know how many times I have had to wear a jacket just so people won't notice my scars? I have delt with this so much and I have had the hardest time dealing with it. It may have realesed some pain but the pain after is way worse." He looks down and I can feel this is harder than ever on him.
"Having this for myself is hard enough and the fact that the person I care about most... Done the same thing I used to?" He makes a face that makes my heart break and I know he is on the verge of more than one tear.
"If anyone, why you?" He has another tear roll down his cheek.
"Because of me?!" He yells and more tears start to fall down his perfect face.
"Mike." I choke and he looks at me with eyes I can't and never want to see again.
"Listen." I breath and try to calm myself down.
"What I did was very wrong, and I want nothing more than to erase it from both of us but what is done, is done. I want to think of my healing scars as something I learned from. I need to know that I will never get this low in life that I will be better and I will fight my demons head on and not let them win. I want that and I want you to know what I wasn't quite worried about myself. I was more worried about what you would think. Because your opinion and thoughts mean everything to me."
He takes a breath and I notice one more tear fall down before he wipes off his face and looks at me in the eyes and I notice my poor broken boy infront of me.
"How stubborn are the scars when they won't fade away?" He asks me and my heart swells.
"Or just a gentle reminder that now are better days?" I look deep past his eyes and beyond that as we quote lyrics to each other from 'A prophecy by Asking Alexandria.'
I have never seen him like this but I know he is at his most vulnerable point and the way he isn't affraid to show me it, makes me want him even more. I know that what we have is hard to come by and what we have is special and I want nothing more than to love him until I have nothing more to give.
His eyes shift from me and I can tell he is thinking of something but I can't quite figure it out. He looks at me and I can feel everything stop around me.
"I love you, Addison."
"Juile!" I squeal into the phone.
"Babes, how are you feeling?" She asks me and I am beyond ready to tell her everything.
"You know how I have been distant? And pretty much, dead?" I ask feeling a bit uneasy.
"Yes, and you told me you would tell me when you were ready. Are you ready now?" She sounds as if she is pushing me into this and I feel a weird vibe coming from her.
"I won't go into great detail but you know everything that happened with Hailey."
"Mhm." The noise comes from her mouth and I find myself waiting for more from her but nothing comes.
"Well, if that wasn't enough. Mike ended up kissing some girl at a party while he was drunk." I say and feel that sharp pain rise in my chest.
"Really?!" She squeals.
There's my Juile.
"Yeah. We definitely had a hard time going through that and that's why I have been basically dead from everything." I sigh and wait for her reaction.
"That's crazy. I can sense you guys are good though, right?"
"Yeah we are beyond good, actually." I smile to myself.
"Aw. That's super cute. Glad I didn't know before hand or else I would have definitely kicked his little virtually ass through that laptop screen." We both laugh and I am so glad I have her as a best friend.
We mindlessly chat about everything and I can't help but revert my thoughts back on when I first called her. She seemed as if she really didn't care or wanted to be bothered with the whole Hailey thing. I don't want to ask but then again, I am curious as to why she sounded indifferent with me when I mentioned her. She would usually be the first one to call her a bitch and go on ranting for me as I sat back and agree while laughing.
"Juile. Not to be like, I don't know... What is up with Hailey and you?"
"What do you mean, Addi?"
I should have worded that better.
"Well, you seemed so eh about when I mentioned her so I was just wondering."
I hear nothing in the background, everything went silent. I check to see if the line went dead but it showed she was still on the line and just before I was about to say hello, she speaks.
YOU ARE READING
When Addison gets caught up in guys through out her high school year, will she be able to find out who she truly is after this? Will someone finally make a break through and get her to see what life really is about? Or will she take life by the horn...