He's not that funny

Devils advocate

I dissembled the vent in the bathroom, and engraved a line into the wall. 

III

Three people Liza. 

Three.

I am officially a serial killer. 

I slumped down onto the cold bathroom floor, a bottle of Pino in between my legs.

I took a swig trying to forget. I couldn't. My mind wouldn't allow me too. I felt like it was mocking me. Antagonising me. Forcing me to remember my sins. My deathly deeds. The deal with the devil.  I wondered who was going to break it first? Me, or Lucifer? Was I really Lucifer? Was it J? Or was I Robin hood? Steal from the rich and give to the poor - kill the enemies and protect the citizens. Protect myself. Thats all I was doing. Be killed or kill. 

Yeah

Thats it Liza. You was going be killed, and you got there first. Self defence. It was all a mess. I could claim that I couldn't breath in my tight dress. My finger slipped on the trigger, I fell, they told me to. The voices told me to. The love of my life told me to - Lucifer. J. Crane. Mike. Mona. Me.

Me.

Me.

Stop trying to convince yourself Liza. You loved it. You fucking enjoyed putting a bullet through their heads. They were going to kill you. Tyrant was going to rape you and take away your beloved J. He couldn't do that. He wasn't allowed to do that. 

My head started to spin and I took another swig of the bottle. My skin was laced in goosebumps. 

Who are you. Who am I. What have I become. Im a monster, a killer, a drug sniffer, a pill popping whore who gets fucked every night. But its one guy. Its that one guy. J. Its J, I swear. I pinky promise, cross my heart and... hope to die, the cocaine feeling like I'm sticking needles in my eye. My soul wept for their families, yet my heart remained as cold as ice. The more I tried to justify my actions, the more the voices fought back. They spewed back their hate and disgust. The words twisted around my brain, burning like acid. Suffocating like chloroform. My blood felt like poison in my veins. I wanted my heart to stop. To die. To return to slumber to prevent the darkness from consuming me every. single.minute. 

I hate myself.

I love myself.

I hate J.

I love J.

I love him... I've fallen in love with him. With a killer. A gangster. A demon. 

The lion and the lamb.

The helpless lamb, who had been sacrificed on a hard, cold, stone alter. Shrieks filling the room. People in dark hoods cheering, clapping, drinking my blood. I didn't want to be sacrificed. I tried to pull back, to cry out for help, to beg for my life.

But they didn't listen.

They never listened.

The ice cold knife struck my heart, painting it black whilst the crimson liquid squirted out. 

I emerged from the alter, the lamb now transforming into a lion. A different entity, a different form, a different species.

I felt more powerful than ever. Blood lust entering my soul. My mind, my hunger.

I like it.

I like this.

Being bad, is easier than being good.

Killing was the only time I truly felt alive. I felt alive, just for another to cease to exist.

My skin started to itch, I wanted to rip it off. To rip my hair out. I can't take this. I don't want to be here. I don't. I can't. I can't stay. Please forgive me for my sins. Please. 

I tried to fumble around in my mind and glue my old thoughts back together. To at least hold onto something that was me. It all seemed so easy. J made taking another life look easy. It wasn't. Im compressed in my body, drowning in lies. In blood. In rage. In hate. In deceit. 

I shook my head and downed the rest of the bottle. I placed the cover back over the vent and stumbled up to my feet.

''Kittenn'' J called.

''Coming'' I replied.

 It was too late.

The devils advocate has spoken, and has taken me with him, back down to the cave. The fire. The bottom of the earths core.

Back down to a place, that I now called home.