Jay
I didn't know exactly how I should approach him. I didn't have a clue on what to say which made me even more nervous. Joe and I have not been talking to one another, which is understandable. Children need space and I'm pretty sure she'll come around.
I stand and wait outsides my dads hospital room door. I see he still has the door decorated with the posters Joe made and I helped with. It's of him, alive and healthy while enjoying a nice sunny day and eating doughnuts with Joe and I.
All of the nurses stare surprisingly at me. I think they still recognize me from when I was younger and when I use to bring Joe around.
"Jayee bug!" Nurse Sims calls as she see's me pacing. I stop and stare at the middle aged woman remembering her creased smile and beautiful blue eyes.
"There isn't a meeting scheduled for today? Well it wasn't marked on your dads scheduled,"she glances at me confused yet excited.
I honestly haven't seen my Aunt Margret in 3 years or so. She's my mom, well was my mom best friend. She also helped deliver Joe and was there with my mom when she took her last breath. It was hard for Margret and completely broke her.
Margret was pregnant awhile back and had to go on leave, taking a 5 month vacation. Then her schedule got changed to mid-day shift and I'd always miss her when her shift was due. I've known her all my life, she practically raised me.
" I know, I'm here to visit him. How-how are you? What have you been up too? How's Abigail?" I questions curiously embracing her tightly, she returns the hug and squeezes me tightly. I wish I would have stayed in contact with her. I feel terrible knowing that I haven't talked to her in ages.
"I'm good, Abby is definitely good. H-how are you? Is that Joe? Woah she's gotten big!" She exclaims staring at a lonely isolated Joe who sits far down, away from me. I stare at her for a while longer and advert my eyes back to Margret.
" I'm good! We're actually moving to California in a couple of days," I mention nonchalantly and her eyes widen and she looks surprised and off-guarded.
"Whoa, That's great!" She exclaims proudly.
"Yeah..." I continue on a little bit on edge and I guess Margret sensed it because she frowns sadly.
"You don't seem too happy, are you sure you're okay?" I stare at her honestly. Her blue eyes bore into mines with concern.
"Yeah, I'm fine it's just dad. I don't want to leave him and Joe she's been out of control lately," I frown sadly Turing to stare at the closed door and then at Joe. Aunt Margret follows my gaze and smiles while she steps closer and comforts me with another big, warm embracing hug and this time it last longer and it relieves a bit of stress.
"Oh sweetie! Don't you think it's time to get out of this town? Sure it holds your life but you have to do what makes you happy baby girl. Don't let the past hold you...and I'm not saying your dad is the past because he is still fighting a strong battle. But what I am saying is that you have to focus on you for a second, and Joe. You're a mother figure to her and your choices will either benefit her or hold her accountable for it. I'm proud of you and plus you have me here to look after him. I've been doing fair for years, what makes you think I'll stop now," she chuckles and kisses my cheek while looking over my shoulder at Joe.
"She reminds me of someone!" I pull away to stare at her skeptically. She raises an eyebrow and match my posture in a mocking attempt. I wasn't that bad at Joe age! She's something way worse, and I blame it on technology. But I will have to admit that stubbornness runs so deep in our veins that we try to act the age we aren't. I had the same break down when I was younger. I blamed my unfortunate mishaps on my mom for my dad getting cancer, and I blamed everything else that has become a burden on my back on fate.
"Yeah," I smile cheekily at the little gremlin.
"We'll have to do something to catch up on wasted years. I'll love to meet Abby!" I smile kindly at Margret and she returns the same loving smile. She embraces me one more time before she leaves and places a warm kiss on my cheek.
"Maybe we'll plan a vacation to California, aye? Contact me, my number is still the same- it has not changed. Nice seeing you Jayee Bug!" She cheers and blows Joe a kiss and continues about her day and as she disappears, I smile to myself warmly. It was a joy seeing her and having that motherly feeling again.
I knock lightly on the door and enter my dads room. Joe enters a few moments after And glances up at me. Dad is wide awake and viewing something on the television. He's doesnt necessarily notice us because the tubes and what not keeps his head stiff and turned in only one direction. He finally glances at us and his entire face saddens and without words he just begins to cry.
"D-ad. No, please," I plead because I know I'll begin to cry and that I do. Joe sees the tear roll down onto my cheek and she runs to my side and clutches on to my waist while burying her face into my arm. We didn't really have to speak words for this sadden moment to occur.
Me glaring at my dads shaved head, pale skin, sunken under eyes along with blackness around them. His frail figure and bony hands and body. It was already as if he was dead. He's been in here for 3 years! And he just looks miserable, and that makes me cry and cringe.
My dad pleaded me 3 years ago to never return to the hospital until he got the news that he fought it. Until he got the news he beat cancers add and until we could see the color return to his face and his eyes regain happiness and joy.
"Jay- I thought, you promised you would not come back until I told you to," he sniffs as me and Joe advance closer. I stare deeply at his blue orbs as he reaches for Joe and she grasp his hand into hers.
"Hello Josephine," he smiles dearly at her with his glistening eyes.
"Hi dad," she frowns.
"I know dad-" I continue to sob not able to make sentences.
"I-I really needed to see you and tell you some things," I stammer as I advance closer to him as he holds Joe.
"Even though I'm disappointed- I'm still happy to see you guys," he cheers through his sobs. I go to embrace him with a huge happy hug.
"D-dad, we're..." I try but words won't leave my mouth. I look down at Joe who places her hand over mine caressing it.
"We're moving to California," I finally state as he looks up at me. He stares at me for awhile and taking in my features, how much I've aged and grew.
"You look so much like your mother," he smiles. I stare back at him and wander did he understand what I recently spoken.
"Dad-- I we..."
"Jay, I heard you the first time." He continues to smile.
"So what are you going to say?" I wait patiently.
"Nothing. I trust you to make smart decisions. I have no say in what's right and what's wrong because you're not a little girl anymore," he states honestly. I stare at him baffled with my jaw hanging.
"B-but you're going to be here all alone!" I exclaim.
"I've been here all alone for 3 years now but you two are all I can think about to feel at peace and just by me knowing you guys are moving to California makes me feel wonderful! Jay, don't put your life on hold for me. I love you and I want you to understand that if anything, I want you to pursue your happiness first." He holds out his arms for me to embrace him and I do so and I hug him happily with tears running like a faucet down my face.
"I love you to popa!" I grin as I call him a name I haven't spoken in so many years. Joe giggles and dad chuckles along with her as I smile cheekily at them both.
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