Is This Really What You Want? (Multiple Ship FanFic)

You Just Haven't Thought of it Yet (Brendon's POV)

~Remember, 2009~

What can I say? Things are amazing! More than amazing! Breezy and Dallon are doing an amazing job of being first time parents. They love Amelie so much and so do I. Dallon even made the comment that Amelie is almost part mine because Dallon and I are together. So, in a way, I have a beautiful baby girl, well a baby girl that's now almost a year and a half old. She's nothing but perfect! Anyway, Dallon and I are still great as well. Our love is stronger than ever and I really owe Breezy for letting him do this. Spencer and I are also closer than ever as well!

The only thing that's not so great is my relationship between Ryan and Jon... Well, their relationship with the whole band isn't that great anymore. I don't know what's wrong, but I hope we can talk it out, it's just that they don't really listen to me anymore when I talk. I really want to know what's wrong, but I'll just give them their space for now. I think that's for the best.

Today, we were all getting together though, so maybe I could talk to them. The whole get together idea was actually Ryan and Jon's idea. They'd be over in a little bit, so that's good!

I was still basically living at Spencer's, since Dallon and Breezy literally moved a few houses down. I was close to them and I liked that.

"Coming!" I yelled at the knock I heard on the door.

I shot up from the couch and ran to the door. I opened it and Ryan and Jon were standing there.

"Hey guys," I said as I smiled.

"Hey," Ryan said.

"Hi," Jon said.

"Come on in," I said as I smiled again.

They walked in and we all sat on the couch.

"Where's Spence?" Ryan asked.

"Over at Dallon's, but he should be back in a few minutes," I responded.

"Oh," Ryan said.

They were both acting really weird, but I brushed it off. I wanted to ask them what was wrong so badly, but I couldn't bring myself to ask. We sat in silence for another ten minutes waiting for Spencer. I thanks god when Spencer burst through the door.

"I'm back!" Spencer shouted.

"Finally!" I said.

"I miss anything?" he asked.

"Not a thing," I said.

"Good," Spencer said as he smiled and sat on the chair. "So, what'd you guys want to talk about?"

Ryan looked at Jon and nodded.

"Guys, we're leaving the band," Ryan said.

My heart, I swear to god, stopped beating. I held my breath out of complete disbelief. Ryan just said that him and Jon were leaving the band... They were leaving Panic!. Is this even real right now? It can't be.

"Y-You're joking right?" I asked.

"No," Jon said.

"But why?" Spencer asked, in about as much chock as I was.

"Want the truth?" Ryan asked.

"Of course," I said.

"I miss the old you, I miss the old us. All of us have been doing nothing but fighting. You're becoming the face of this band and I think you're letting that get to your head. Whenever we try and get together to write a new song or practice, things aren't like they used to be. We always fight whenever we try and you don't listen to any of us. Things have changed, Brendon," Ryan said.

I didn't know how to react to this at all. I mean, I know I've changed, but I didn't think it was like that. Spencer hasn't said anything about it, nor has Dallon, and I knew if they thought about this, they would have told me. So why is it affecting Jon and Ryan? I just wanted to burst into tears and run away right now, but I didn't. I stayed where I was and stayed silent.

"What the fuck? That's not true and you know it! Just because it's not your band Ryan, doesn't mean that you can call other people out on being themselves! People change, guys, and there's nothing wrong with that. If you hadn't noticed, Brendon has changed, and for the better, because he has new people in his life and it's making him a better person," Spencer explained.

"Bull fucking shit!" Jon shouted as he stood up. "Brendon is affecting this whole band and everyone knows it! He's turned into a complete asshole!"

"I agree completely," Ryan said.

"Maybe this is for the best," I said.

"What?" Spencer asked.

"I can't help that these two fucking assholes feel the way they do, and frankly, I don't give a shit. They can feel however they want to and I can't change that. They want me out of their lives, fine. Fuck you guys and goodbye," I said as I walked out of Spencer's house.

I made it about ten feet down the sidewalk before I collapsed into a ball of tears. I fell to the ground and just cried and cried. I can't believe I just lost two of my best friends, well two people who I thought were my best friends. But losing Ryan hurt the most. I loved him, I really did, and then this happens? I can't handle this...

I got up, dried my tears, and then walked to my house, which was only a good five minutes away. Once I got there, I was glad Sarah was out with her friends. I ran up to our room in tears again and rummaged through the drawers in my night stand. I found what I was looking for at the bottom of the third drawer. I dragged it across my wrists over and over again. I couldn't stop... I wouldn't stop! I finally fell to the floor after five minutes of cutting myself in a bloody mess. I must have cut myself over fifty times... I hadn't stopped the entire five minutes. I just looked at my arms and wrists and cried harder. I was also crying because I had broken my promise to Dallon, to the one I love.

I had blood running down my arms onto my pants, shirt, and the floor. I laid my head against the bed because I began to feel dizzy. The last thing I remember was someone running up the stairs yelling my name. After that, I blacked out...