Is This Really What You Want? (Multiple Ship FanFic)

Girls/Girls/Boys (Brendon's POV)

I bet you won't guess what Ryan and I did again last night! Anyway, Pete is actually coming over today. Ryan and I rushed over to Spencer's house and walked inside. No one was up yet... I gave Dallon the guest room, since it was like my room now. It was already around ten now and no one else was up. I walked back to the guest room and opened the door. Dallon was lying in the bed sleeping still. I quietly walked over to him and sat on the bed.

"Dal, you gotta wake up, buddy," I said.

"I don't want to," he whined as he flipped over.

"Dal," I said as I chuckled a little.

"What time is it?" he mumbled.

"A little after ten," I replied.

"That's so early," he said.

"Dallon," I said.

"God, fine," Dallon said as he sat up.

He either didn't get much sleep last night or something, because he looked like complete shit. I know that's mean, but it's true.

"Did you get any sleep last night?" I asked.

"Not much at all," he said.

"When did you fall asleep?" I asked.

"Um, around seven, finally, I think," he responded.

"Dude!" I said. "The hell?"

"I don't know. It must have been the flight or something," he said.

"Or you're really nervous," I said. "You are aren't you?"

"Well, yeah," he said.

"Why?" I asked.

"Truth?" he asked.

"Please," I said.

"Well, honestly, I still really like you, love you in fact, and I never stopped. I married Breezy because I knew I wouldn't have a chance with you ever again. Brendon, I love you to death and I don't want to lose you again. I am still hurt by what happened and I shouldn't have put you through that. I want things like the way they used to be. Brendon, I want you," Dallon explained.

I just stared at him in complete disbelief. Dallon really wants me back? How? Why? I mean I want him too, but what about Sarah and Breezy? What about Ryan?! We can't just drop them and forget they ever existed.

"Bren, can you please say something so I don't feel like such an idiot?" Dallon asked.

"Dallon, I want you too," I finally said.

"Y-You do?" he asked.

"I never stopped loving you either, alright? My heart still hurts too and I want things back to normal," I said. "Dallon, I love you."

Did I really just say that?! I mean it's true, but I'm married and cheating... God dammit. I am a horrible person! I hate myself so much. I have to tell him... Maybe I should divorce Sarah... God.

"Dallon, I have to tell you something," I said. "And please don't hate me."

"Alright," he said.

"I'm married to Sarah, but I've been cheating on her," I said as I lowered my head.

"With whom?" he asked.

"R-Ryan," I said.

"I know," he asked.

Wait, what?! How does he know? God...

"How do you know?" I asked. "I feel terrible about it! I love Sarah, I think anyway, then I cheat on her with Ryan, and then I just said I love you, which is very true, and... I just don't know what to do!"

"Bren, calm down," Dallon said as he held me in his arms because I was sobbing at this point. "Everything will be ok."

"How did you know?" I asked again.

"Spencer told me everything... Please don't go and yell at him or anything. He's just worried about you," Dallon said.

"Oh," I said.

Dallon sat me up and looked at me. After that, he grabbed my sweatshirt sleeves and pulled them up. I turned away and started sobbing again. My arms were covered in scars. It all spawned off of that one fateful Valentine's Day, and it just became part of my everyday life...

"I'm sorry," I said through my tears.

"Bren," Dallon said as he got a saddened look on his face.

"I'm so sorry," I whispered as I fell into Dallon's arms. "I don't even know what I'm doing anymore. My life is such a mess and all I do is fuck everything up."

"Brendon, you do not," Dallon said as he held me tighter.

"I do too," I said. "I ruined my marriage, you probably hate me for what I've done to others and myself, and Spencer probably hates me because whenever he looks at my scars, he gives me a look."

"Brendon, Spencer is worried, that's all. He told me that last night. He wants to help you, but he doesn't know how and he knows that you won't open up to him, so he doesn't know what to do. I said that I'd try and help you because I know you used to talk to me about everything, and since you still love me, what would change?" Dallon explained. "Bren, let me help you."

"Fine," I said.

Dallon smiled and kissed my forehead.

"W-What am I supposed to do?" I asked as I calmed down.

"Well, if you want to know the truth, Spencer told me that Sarah isn't going to divorce you, but she's going to let you basically do whatever you want," Dallon said.

"Wait, Sarah? What about Sarah?" I asked.

"Bren, she knows you've hooked up with Ryan. How, I don't know, but she knows," he said.

"Fucking A," I said as I began to cry again.

"Shh shh shh," Dallon said as he held me again.

"I'm such a fuck up," I whispered.

"Brendon, you're not," he said.

"Yes, I am!" I shouted. "I fuck every single little god damn thing up!"

"Calm down," Dallon said.

"How am I supposed to calm down?!" I screamed.

I was so good at working myself up. At that point, I started to have a full fledged panic attack. I fell to the ground and grabbed my chest. My heart was going insane, I was breathing really fast, my fingers felt like they were going numb, and I felt like I was going to pass out.

"Brendon!" Dallon said as he ran to me. "Ryan! Spencer!"

He sat me in his lap and tried to calm me down, but it wasn't working. Ryan nor Spencer came in, so Dallon yelled again.

"Ryan! Spencer! Get your fucking asses in here!" Dallon screamed.

A few seconds later, the both of them burst through the door.

"What the hell is going on?!" Spencer asked.

"I-I don't know! Brendon and I were talking, he started to cry like really bad, and then before I know it, he's having a freaking panic attack!" Dallon said, somewhat yelling from how scared he was.

"Brendon!" Ryan shouted.

My breathing was calming down, but not too much. I felt even dizzier and laid my head on Dallon's shoulder.

"Brendon!" Spencer shouted.

That's the last thing I remember before I passed out...