Her Normal

Chapter 31

"I'm sorry," he said. "I know I reacted the wrong way. I just don't want to get your hopes up if things don't go the way we want them to. I don't want to see you hurt again."

I'll be damned if it isn't worth it, I thought.

"Yeah," was all I said.

I understand if you're still upset," Spencer spit the words out into the air like they would make me feel better.

"No offense, but I don't think you do. You always say things you don't mean and then you come around and apologize for it like it's some on and off switch to the way things work. It's not," I paused to breathe. "I need you to start saying the things you mean, and no apologize for them, instead of doing what you just did. I'm tired of it and it always turns me the wrong way, which makes me absolutely insane. So please, Spencer, just tell me what you want me to hear."

Spencer was silent, as if he was processing what I had said. I wasn't sure it exactly made sense, but I could see that he got what I meant.

"I meant it when I said I didn't want to see you hurt. The other stuff, you're probably right, I didn't mean it. I just want us both to be happy like we were, but I don't think I'm ready to try again. It's not that I don't want to have a kid with you, it's just that I'm too freaked still to really be able to take the right steps without taking those steps on eggshells. I'm scared too, you know."

I turned to him, hearing the old chains grind against each other. "That's all you had to say, Spence. I get being scared and not being ready, and that's totally fine with me. Not everything can be decided just like that. It's okay to take time." He nodded and reached for my hand, lacing his fingers with mine and giving me a small smile.

"You know I love you, right?"

I rolled my eyes. "Yeah, I know it. I love you too Spence."

Spencer and I left the park after a while and went home, where we are together and watched a movie to raise our spirits, then went to bed. That night, there was no waking up or being upset about the miscarriage anymore.

The next day, we both went back to work. We decided it was time to get back into our normal swing of things. I was glad to be back at work, around familiar faces and friendly patients. Spencer and I continued our daily grind for the next few weeks.

It was October first now, and I was bustling around at home, cooking and cleaning; waiting for Spencer's arrival. I was lost in thought before it occurred to me that Spencer's birthday was in two days. The idea of throwing him a surprise party bloomed in the back of my mind, so I sent out a group message to everyone on the team except Spencer.

I asked everyone if they were free that night and they all gave me the thumbs up. All of them took up a certain job, agreeing to bring certain things and all that jazz. Just as we finished planning, Spencer came home and I greeted him with a kiss and a smile after he set his keys and phone down and hung up his messenger bag.

"How was work?" I asked.

"Usual," he shrugged. "Paper work. The most exciting thing about the job." I laughed at his sarcasm and pulled out some bowls and silverware, dishing out salad and his favorite soup at putting it in front of him.

"You're too good to me," he laughed. I winked at him as I sat across from him at the island. "What would I do without you?"