Her Normal

Chapter 31

Maddie's POV

Over the next few weeks, Spencer and I basically just stayed at home. We would occasionally take Cooper out for a walk or go somewhere, but we found it most comforting to just stay in the confines of our own home. Some days, we would just stay in bed, listening to thunderstorms, or some days we would work around the house, cleaning or doing something productive together. I began to feel better after I had my stitches taken out and I was healing. Spencer seemed normal.

Today, we were in bed all day, doing nothing. It had been raining when we woke up, so we just stayed in the warm covers, talking, or just looking at each other.

"Spence," I piped up.

"Hmm?" He asked. I was curled into his side, tracing his bare chest.

"Can we talk about something real quick?" I asked sheepishly. He looked down at me, giving me a skeptical look.

"Okay?"

"I um... I really.." I couldn't seem to find my words. I sat up and took a deep breath, Spencer sat up with me, giving me a concerned look.

"Spit it out," he said.

"I would really like to try again," I almost whispered.

"What do you mean?" He asked, sounding stressed.

"I want to try it again. Having a baby..." I trailed off. "I don't want to just give up." Spencer took a deep breath and pinched the bridge of his nose.

"Don't you think it's a little early for that?" He asked. He sounded hurt.

"Well, yes and no. I didn't say now, but I wouldn't object to trying soon."

"That's it, huh?" He looked up. "You're over it, just like that? Nice."

"I never said I was just 'over it'. I'm saying I don't want this to stop us-"

"Stop us from what? Losing another child? I think I'd be okay with it stopping us from that."

"Spencer, don't you dare talk to me like that," I stood and put a hoodie on, seeing as I was only in a bra and shorts. "It's not like you were the one carrying her. You have no clue what it feels like to wake up and not feel the baby bump every morning. To wake up and not get sick; to not need your medication. You don't have a single damn clue how it feels to not have your child kick in the middle of the day when you're bustling around the house or doing stuff. You've got no clue."

"I think I know how it feels to lose a child though," he argued. "You can't act like this effects you more than me."

"I never said that!" I finally yelled. "Would you knock it the fuck off?" He was silent for a minute, just looking around the room with the look he wore when he was contemplating something. "I'm going out."

"Where are you going?" He asked.

"None of your business," I answered. With that, I left the house after tugging on a pair of skinny jeans and some old Vans. I walked to the park Spencer and I always visited, sitting on a swing. It was abandoned, due to the chilly weather and the fact that it was the middle of the week. Kids were in school, parents at work.

I sat for a little while, thinking about what I had said. I knew I wanted to try again, Spencer knew it too. Who knew he would react that way? Not me. After about an hour of just sitting, swinging absentmindedly, I saw someone sit in the swing beside me out of the corner of my eye.

"Hey," Spencer said. Of course, he would show up to apologize. It was just like him, he would never let an argument go without being fixed.

"What," I said flatly.