Judge Me Not

The Picture in the Clouds by Star_Lover27 [Review- LovelornSighs]

Title: Picture in the Clouds

Author: Star_Lover27

Genre(s): Teen Fiction, Romance

Rating: G

Blurb: Abigail was a normal girl. Her life was close to perfect. Who knew that Abigail's world was going to come crashing down like a tonne of bricks. Watch Abigail as she begins to put her life back in order.

Review:

I really liked your beginning. You came out strong, and the tone was calm and nice. However, your descriptions went a little wayward and it almost seemed like you were digressing from the point you were trying to make. Also, remember your commas and capitals! There's always a delicate balance between divulging too many details and not giving any details. I'm afraid in your case is divulging too many details. Some of these were completely unnecessary. We don't need to read about everything the character observes, only enough to get the point across. 

Your chapter also seemed kind of bland with all the ongoing descriptions after descriptions and the character's monotonous observations and routines. There's not enough movement in this. I'm not saying put your whole plot into this, but don't make the reader wipe their eyes, yawning. It's also kind of unclear what the point of this chapter was. Is it the shape in the cloud or her bruises or what? The ending was well written, transition and tone was good.

Overall, this still needs some work. You obviously have some talent, and this story definitely has potential for sure. I think you need to review your work a little more, and add commas! Commas are necessary, or else people would run out of breath reading stuff aloud!

Rating: 6.5/10

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~Lilly/ LovelornSighs