Judge Me Not

A Date With Death by xRawrrMeansILoveYoux [Review- LovelornSighs]

This story has now been taken off Wattpad and the user has changed their name to the one above.

Title: A Date With Death

Author: xRawrrMeansILoveYoux

Genre(s): Romance, Fantasy

-No Blurb-

Review:

First suggestion: put on a small and brief summary/ 'blurb' for your story. It helps catch some readers' attention. And wow! I love your chapter title! Aha, maybe it's just me, but I like the humour. I love the first sentence, it's interesting and almost playful. And might I suggest a few more dialogues, and don't make all the paragraphs so heavy. Find a balance between chunky and thinned out. Also, read your chapters out loud, find those pauses and check to make sure there is a comma, a period or a semi colon there. 'Ever since the night when he broke in and I called the cops; I've been having to attend psychiatric meeting everyone once a week.'  First off, add the semi colon between cops and I've. Second, saying 'I've been having to' sounds awkward. Change it to a 'I've been forced to attend...' 

I also found it a bit strange that you start off talking about death, and then suddenly start talking about a stalker. Find a better transition or put in a space between the two topics. Your text is suggesting Reagan is emotionally unstable and weak, yet the tone of the text itself is defiant. I feel no sense of desperation from the tone. It may have been done on purpose, but it's slightly confusing. Her stalker's character is done well. Just enough mystery and that little touch of psycho. Ha, which girl doesn't love a guy like that? 

I like the beginning, the middle was alright (it should be great after a little reviewing. Oh, and great vocabulary!) and the ending was good. One problem: you never elaborate enough on the main character herself! She never introduces herself properly. Maybe it would be alright with a prologue, but since I'm assuming this is the first chapter, you need to elaborate a bit more! Divulge into a little detail, and this chapter will be even better!

Overall, nice start! Keep writing!

Rating: 7.5/10

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~Lilly/ LovelornSighs