Lauren Jauregui imagines

Secret Diary

(Slight talk of suicide so be careful)

Rushing around the room, you nearly slip over a pile of clothes. There is 10 minutes until your English class starts and you are not dressed.

You curse to yourself, annoyed at the state of your room. You forgot to set an alarm for the morning because you were so busy finishing homework.

'Come on Y/N you can do this!' You yell. You start to stuff books in your bag and you try to zip it up. The zipper wont budge. You give the bag a dismissive wave and run downstairs. You hear a thump behind you, like the sound of something falling but you ignore it in the state of panic. 'Bye Lauren!'

You hear a muffled reply as you open the door and unlock your car. The university wasn't too far way, a possible 5 minute drive but your professor was strict and if you were even the slightest bit late, it would come with very serious consequence.

You run through the pathway in the park and into the giant building where the class was held. Tired and out of breath, you make it with seconds to spare. The moment you sat down the professor walked in right behind you and locked the door. You sigh in relief and take out your books, not realising that you left the most important one at home.
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(Lauren's POV)

After Y/N left in an panic state to class that morning, you decided it was a good idea to go out and get something nice for her. You know how she gets when she's stressed, and it obviously does Y/N no good.

You turned off the tv and go to your room, where you got dressed for the day. You put on a simple sweatpants and a tank top seeing as you are only going to the store. Grabbing your keys from the bench and heading towards the door, you trip over something and fall to the ground.

"Urgh." You groan, rubbing your knee. Looking back, you see a small leather book which was worned at the edges. You pick it up, interested in what was inside and opened it.

It was Y/N's diary. Contemplating whether or not you should read it, curiosity takes over and you start to read, although a voice in the back of your head says you shouldn't.

22/03/2016

Dear Mum,
I miss you, a lot. Since the last time I wrote to you (which was like a year ago), I believe I've changed as a person. And for the better. I met this girl, her names Lauren. She has the prettiest eyes that I could stare into for internally. Her smile lights up my life and her laugh brings happiness to all around her. You would like her. Gosh, anyone would. She's been treating me well, as I have with her.

I've decided to start writing again, probably because of the reason that it was your anniversary today. I drove up to the cemetery and spent hours talking to you. I wish you were still here, guiding me through life. It's been really hard without you, but Lauren's been by my side.

Seeing as through this is kinda therapeutic, I might start writing daily again. I hope that you can see this, even though there's like no chance at all.

I love you.

I miss you

Your daughter, Y/N.

You look up from the book, where you sit on your bed after moving from the floor of the hallway. Tears start forming in your eyes, the words of Y/N bringing nothing but sadness. She had lost her Mum 3 three years ago in a car accident, but since then she really hadn't talked about it. Her words obviously filling the pages of diaries. You continue to flick through the pages of the book, you eyes resting on particular pages where you remember the events that happen, and reading her point of view on them. Suddenly your eyes skim over the last page, where the page was smudged with blotchy ink. The date on the entry was three days ago.

I don't know how much I can handle anymore. The guilt, the pain it's all too much. I was the reason my mother died in that accident. I was the one she was mad at. It's my fault and I can't bare to live when I know she died mad at me.

Sure, I've had a few bottles tonight, but it's the truth that comes out when you're drunk, right? Lauren's out somewhere, away from here. I can't talk to any one, I don't want them to know. I don't want them to think I'm weak or anything, but right now the only thing stopping me from killing myself is the fact that Lauren has been by my side since I met her. She was the one who held me when my mothers anniversary came up, she's the one who constantly texts me that she loves me. I don't want her to feel the same pain I feel, the worthlessness, the loneliness. I want to be strong for her, so I'm going to go to sleep even I  though I don't want to live anymore, because sometimes it's the things you don't even know you're doing that saves people.

I love you Lauren.

You don't even realise, but tears are now streaming down your face, and you fall back onto your mattress and close your eyes, still at disbelief at what you just read. You were at Ally's birthday party that night and Y/N said she wasn't feeling well so she stayed home. You had no idea she was feeling that way and that made you distraught. A little bit of hope filled the very bottom of your stomach as you were her anchor, the only thing separating her from death, but that feeling of emptiness was taking control.

You don't exactly know how long you stayed in that position for, but you fell asleep, the thoughts of Y/N's well being on your mind.

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You awake to someone slightly shaking your shoulder and you open your eyes, your tears creating a wall on your eyelid. You rub them softly and your eyes inspect the room before laying on Y/N, who also had tears in her eyes.
You then remembered what you did and you try to explain, but Y/N puts a finger to your mouth and shushes you.

(Your POV)

"I don't know how you found my diary, or how much you've read, but I want you to know that everything in there, I don't feel anymore. They were all sorry nights that I spent feeling guilty for something I had no control over. I'm not mad at you, but my trust has broken a little bit. Now, I'm forgetting all about this for the moment because I really need a hug." You wrap your arms around her neck and squeeze, releasing all the tension building up in your body.

"I love you." Lauren whispers in your ear.

"I love you too."

A/N
Boom! Pretty long update huh? I quite like it, although the point of views can get confusing at times. THE 7/27  TOUR HAS NOW ENDED MY LIFE IS RUINED. They didn't even come to Australia wtf😂

QOTD- Where do you live?