Something Infinite

Chapter 39

None the less, I'd needed to use the word today, right now, to have the closure I finally needed from losing my uncle all those years ago, and my grandad a few months ago.

Harry had parked just a little away from their tombstones, but close enough to keep an eye on me he said. I sat in the car, frozen in place as I stared on at the flowers my grandmother placed by her husband and son's resting place. She visited them daily, so I knew it would be hard for her to leave and come to the UK with us for Christmas.

"Are you okay? Do you want me to walk you there?" Harry's hand rubbed my knee, pulling me from the daze I was in. This was the first time I was here, I refused to ever visit, because visiting meant it was real, and I couldn't accept it.

"No, this is something I have to do...if I look like I need you, please come," I asked him, knowing I probably should have just agreed to let him come right now. I had to at least try to get through this alone, I couldn't give up before even attempting.

"I'll be there in a second, you can do this baby, you're stronger than you think," he kissed me, giving me the encouragement and push I needed out the door.

I walked over to the graves slowly, looking down at them silently as I stopped the smallest distance from them. "In loving memory of Paul Evans, loved son of Robert and Helen Evans, brother of Lauren" etched across his stone, while my grandfathers read "In loving memory of Robert Evans, loved husband of Helen, father of Lauren and Paul, grandfather of Jenelle and Samantha, great grandfather of Mia".

No one had told me Mia's name was on his stone, not that I ever listened to them talk about his burial site. It pulled at my heart more than anything else about this experience, because it was just a reminder of how he never met my daughter, and never would.

This would have been easier if I was facing just one of these incredible men, but I was faced with both, and it was becoming extremely overwhelming. My chest tightened as my emotions took over me, and my knees gave way, collapsing me to the grass beneath me. I was feeling all the pain I buried away, in one hit, and it hurt.

"I've got you," I felt Harry's arms wrap around my crouching body, pulling me into him, allowing me to cry and mourn in his arms. He cradled me to calm me down, letting me know he was there for me.

"I thought I could do this," I whispered between sobs.

"You can, we will sit here for as long as we need to, until you're ready," he assured me.

Sticking to his word, we did remain sitting there for a large amount of time, before I managed to stop crying, and find the courage to speak to my uncle and grandad.

"Do you want me to leave you alone?" Harry asked me, giving me the option of space.

"No, please stay," I held onto him, like a safety vessel. He kept my head a float, he and I both knew that, so he stayed.

I took a deep breath in, turning my body to fully face two of the most important men in my life, I ever knew.

"Hey you two, it's me. Sorry I haven't visited like I should have, I guess I just wasn't ready. I'm surprised i'm even sitting here now, you two know how stubborn I am, and when I refuse to do something, it usually never gets done. Be proud of me, I've actually done something I said I'd never do.

Uncle Paul, this is Harry, my boyfriend. I know you told me you don't think anyone could ever put up with me, and that was a good thing because it meant I wouldn't have a boyfriend you'd need to beat up, and keep you out of jail, but I think you'd really like him.

He loves me so much, even when he shouldn't have, and he's supported me through a lot. Grandad liked him, and you know how hard it is to please him and win him over. I think it's because he's the only person that would agree to play golf with him, something we all refused to do.