Anxiousness mixed in with nerves, took over every sense in my body. Today was the day I was going to ask Ryan for his daughters hand in marriage, and sitting in this moment with him in this golf buggy, made the reality of my future just that much more real.
I'd had countless opportunities to ask him throughout the day, but somehow always managed to stop myself before any words came out. I didn't know what I was even expecting, was my self conscience telling me he'd be against it, and maybe I wasn't ready to marry Jen?
I'd thought long and hard about this, I'd even planned out the proposal in my head, this is what I wanted. I had to stop questioning myself, because the only clear answer I saw at the end of it, was the girl I wanted to spend my life with, being my wife.
Ryan was an intimidating man at times, he was firm and abrupt when he needed to be- good thing he was a lawyer, and a damn good one at that. We'd had countless interactions about my behaviour, and at the end of it, he always managed to see the best in me. I appreciated that in him.
"Why are you so damn quiet today, son? Usually we can't shut you up, you've barely said a word," Ryan nudged me as he drove us to the next hole.
"Jet lag has kicked in I think," I lied, partly. I was a little jet lagged, but usually that didn't stop me from chatting, and it never really had that major of an affect on my behaviour.
"You sure that's it? If you're not up for this, we can go home," he suggested.
"No I want to stay, I haven't played in a while, it's nice to get back into my regular activities."
"You're a little rusty I see, not hitting the balls like you used to. This is what happens when you go off on tour, you lose your touch, and I just keep improving so I can kick your arse when you get back," he laughed, slapping me firmly on the back.
"This is a one off, I've let you off easy today," I laughed.
"Sure," he smirked, pulling up at the next course.
"So how was Jen while you two were away? She seems better, but you've seen her more than I have," he questioned me, as he lined up for his shot.
"She was good, I think the talk with her counsellor was beneficial. She finally dealt with her past, and accepted everything that has happened. The death of your brother in law really hit her hard, and some of those feelings she tried to bury, resurfaced with the death of your father in law.
Jen tries to be strong all the time, her way of being strong is pushing things under the rug, and not really letting anyone in to help her clean the mess. She knows that's wrong, and she's dealt with it. We had an argument just before we came home, I thought we were done."
"What do you mean done? What could you two possibly argue about, that would ruin your relationship? From what she's told me, she's head over heels and you're the one," he looked at me confused.
"I know that, I just had a moment of doubt, that's all. It was at the hospital with Mia, she'd had a stressful day, we both did, and we got caught up in the moment. She hates the spotlight, and the life that comes along with dating me, and I don't blame her, I hate it too at times.
She said something along the lines of wishing she had never met me, and I took it to heart. I should have known she didn't mean it, instead I let it get to me, and I left her at the hospital, while I went back home and thought stupid things."
That night was one big disaster in my mind. I couldn't believe I actually questioned whether I wanted to still marry her or not. Both of us fought against each other, but in the end we fought for each other, and that's what made our love so strong. If something is worth having, then it is worth fighting for.
YOU ARE READING
With the future looking uncertain at the end of Something Greater - the second book in the Something Great trilogy - has Jenelle survived the dark turn her labour has taken, or is Harry set to be a single father? Life has now become a balancing act...