The Pawns that Gleam [Bk 3]

ch.42 Make me lose

"Angela?" he mumbled.

I stared at him.

"I got out today" he told me.

My hands shook. After all the terrifying trouble it took to get Louis in jail, now he was out and free to hurt me and whoever else he wanted, yet again. It was like the past: Becky's dad, Carlo (soon enough) and now Louis lurked outside your door, waiting for you to open it, thinking today will be a good day, but it's not.

It never is.

Louis looked down at my trembling fingers.

"I'm not me" he admitted.

The layers of pride and cockiness his voice usually rang with was completed stripped bare. He sounded like a young boy, like-like Liam.

I looked into his eyes. He wasn't not himself, well, at least not the self I had learned to fear and hate for the past four years now.

Louis nodded at a nearby cafe table. I walked blindly and took a seat opposite him. He leaned close to me and I nearly threw the pepper shaker at his eyes, but he had been trying to pull my chair out for me. So I put the pepper shaker down.

He took his seat and looked down at my stomach like it was his fault I was pregnant and alone.

"I-I'm sorry" he whispered.

I bit down on my tongue. 

"I'm really, really sorry, Angela" he told me.

I nodded very, very slowly.

Not a sound escaped my lips. The only thing that had escaped was the monster before me. But, for some strange reason, I felt guilty calling him a monster. Four years ago his picture was under the description of "monster", but now, now it was under something I didn't want to admit.

"Why?" I spoke up.

Louis blinked.

"Why are you here? Why are you talking to me? And how dare you think 'sorry' is going to erase what you did?" I raised my voice.

Louis swallowed hard. He looked down shamefully, the same way he had when the judge found the truth.

"Louis" I hissed.

I hated saying his name but my voice was unbelievably loud and powerful that I didn't dare take my words back. I didn't question myself because I deserved to speak up against the man that had nearly taken my sanity, my life, and the life of the man I loved.

"I don't deserve to apologize" he shook his head painfully. He clasped his hands together and took a deep breath.

I glared at him with such contempt I wouldn't be surprised if Darcy was born hating Louis, too.

"No, you don't" I spat.

"You're right" he nodded.

I stared at him.

"You don't deserve to see my face again" he declared as he held my gaze for a moment before looking away. 

I watched as his nervous ticks from the courtroom came back ten fold. 

"But" he spoke up. "If I didn't come to give some sort of apologize, I would have re-chained myself in that jail and stayed until I took my last breath" he whispered loudly.

I looked at his hands and his ankles. The bruises from his chains were still there and they were far from fading. Louis had faded, but whoever or whatever he had left behind was something completely different. Something that begged for trust and companionship, but I was no where near forgiving him.