The Pawns that Gleam [Bk 3]

ch.23 What Makes You Beautiful

Harry and I made our way back to my grandma's place. She prepared a hearty soup with enough chunks of meat that she might as well have opened up her own farm. We ate in relative silence: "pass the salt" "how's the beef," nothing fancy. Harry was the quietest because he had the most to say, the most he wanted to punch. But no one wanted to bring up the posters again.

After dinner, I wanted to help with the dishes since doing housework sometimes helped calm my nerves, but grandma wanted me to rest. Sure, I was pregnant, but it's only been a day. Danny and Harry and the boys already treated me like I was a delicate doe who might wither to her knees at the rapid flutter of a butterfly's wings, but now, now everyone was treating me like I was two vulnerable deers. Maybe I am. I've got a baby now, don't I? A baby...

It seems so strange to think that I'm breathing for two, I'm eating for two, I'm living for two beings. Our  baby isn't bigger than a sesame seed, but it's growing as we speak. And I want it to grow better than I ever did. I don't want it to develop asthma or hate math. I want it to have two living, loving parents who will be there for it for years. 

Of course, I don't blame my parents for not being alive to raise me until this day, but everything would have been so different had they been here now. I would probably be more confident and happier, but would I even want to be different? Would Harry have loved me had I been more outgoing like Gemma or a bit flashy like Becky? Don't I just want to be Angie?

Yes, I just want to be Angie. Not Angela La Bella or any other pet names. Just Angie. A daughter, a wife, a student, a writer, a first-time mommy. Those are important titles and adding or taking away from them would change me. I don't want to change. (My body does, but that's for the baby).

Harry cleared his throat and stood up. He clasped the back of his seat and looked at my grandma.

"Thank you for dinner-"

"Nonna" she finished. "You can call me nonna" she grinned eagerly.

"Nonna" he nodded and then looked at me expectantly. 

I stood up slowly.

I didn't want to leave, not only because I felt the urge to throw up again, but because I didn't want to just leave. Not after everything my grandma, my nonna, has told me about my parents and about me for that matter, especially the fact that she is my grandma. 

"It was really amazing to meet you" I smiled.

Grandma looked up into my eyes with as if it were the last time. She patted my cheeks softly with her dough-like hands and searched my face like she wanted to find someone she had lost and had now found. 

"Good luck with the baby, Angela" she whispered softly. 

"Thank you" Harry spoke up for the both of us. He stood closer to me and carefully rested his arm at my waist.

I nodded again and Harry turned, heading for the door. I looked over my shoulder at grandma and I felt something tug at my heart, urging me to run back to her, to make sure I never lost her now that I had found her. 

"Harry" I whisphered. 

Harry looked down at me. I swallowed hard and nodded over my shoulder at grandma. Grandma was cleaning up other bits and ends from the kitchen counter. 

"I can't leave her" I shook my head quietly. 

Harry took my hand in his and entertwined his fingers with mine.

"Angie, she lives here, we can't just take her home like a nice, ancient souvenir" he told me quietly.

We both glanced over at grandma. She had been living in Palermo for most of all of her teenage and adult life and just because I found her doesn't mean I could just take her home, but still. I couldn't ignore a living family member, not when I had so very few to begin with.