The Pawns that Gleam [Bk 3]

ch.37 See

It felt so exhilarating to read my dad's words, not just his thoughts but thoughts about my mom, before he had formally met her. When he was a little lover boy and the bricks that made Danny weren't even close to being in the air, let alone the feathers that had made me.

It also felt like I was spying into my dad's mind and even more, I was afraid and embarrassed about reading "PG 13" of "R" content in the story. Of course, I knew their relationship would progress from awkward stares but they're my parents for God's sake. They're not here and even if they were, I would never be able to think of them doing more than kissing or holding hands because that's all a daughter or a son is supposed to see of his or her parents.

Quickly, I rubbed my eyes and any left over tears that were still on my cheeks. I looked for the drawing that matched my dad's journal entry. I had packed the drawings along with the journals back in Palermo. The first few were of butterflies in garden, the Santini garden. Then, the images progressed to include a young man, my dad. 

I leaned close to read the signature and inscription: February 1st, 1984.

My eyes scanned every etching of charcoal and ebony pencil that depicted a young man sitting by the dock holding a journal in his hand. The image was black and white, but the gold of my dad's hair and the emerald in his hazel eyes somehow seeped through the drawing. I could feel my dad smiling at me and I could hear his words ringing in my ears.

I carefully traced every pencil stroke of the drawing and every scribble of my dad's words. They matched so perfectly that I wasn't sure how they went on staring at each other for so long before they actually talked and kissed and then ran away together...

I laughed nervously. Me and Harry stared at each other for ten years before that fated night that I nearly lost my life, yet I subconsciously started a new one with Harry. 

The clock read just past 12 and I placed my mom's drawings inside my dad's journal and kissed them for good luck and safe keeping.

***

I visited Harry every night after school and before I worked on my homework. All my other assignments  required studying what was in textbooks and under microscopes.

But, this English assignment was the only thing that interested me more than to just complete it. I wanted it to be perfect and every night, I read more of my dad's journal and stared at my mom's drawings.

And before I read and stared at the scraps my parents left behind of themselves, I had a new customer, a new person I wanted to help and who needed my help in the last few weeks of my life.

Dr. Warner kept reminding me that everything was going to be fine and the surgery won't be a problem at all, but I just nodded and smiled.

We still didn't have the money to pay for the procedure but Danny worked longer hours at the restaurant and at the construction site, up until the point where I never saw him at all. When Niall wasn't working at his cousin's shop, he worked at Lorenzo's on weekends. Tony built so many bikes and sold each and every one of them (even his crimson Harley which he's kept since he was 17) in order to help me out. Even Zayn sold his nice suits and ties to scrap up some money.

I just wished they let things go as He had planned them. I don't know why people want to be so nice about giving you hope for surviving death; it's ugly and its cruel and it's human. There's no fighting or escaping it. It is what it is.

***

After dinner, I went up to my room.

There was another envelope on my bed but I ignored it. I wanted to read more of my dad's journal and look at my mom's drawings but I saw that someone was already in my room. Zayn was staring at himself in my vanity mirror. There was a joint in his hand and I was about to protest when he patted the stub out and threw it away.