I love you , Why can't you love me back?

P48-

i'm back:D keke.
sorry for this awkward and boring update:D

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LUHAN'S POV
i was shocked about what Hee Rin just said.
i couldn't respond and my tongue seems tied. and at the back of my mind, i know that what she said is true.
i feel like my heart stops beating and the whole world seems to end.
i don't know how to explain it. but, i must confess.. it really hurts... especially when Hee Rin said those words.
i now understand what it felt like to be hurt by the one you love the most....
too painful, i must say.

Hee Rin walked away, leaving me here dumbfounded.
i can't move my body, my feet seems stuck in the grass.
and the wind was so silent yet chilly, that it match up with the mood.

as i regain my senses back, i quickly ran towards the direction where Hee Rin passed.. but unfortunately, she's already gone.
i was panting heavily, when someone patted my back.. it was lay.
"hey lulu, why are you still here?" he asked.
"i was looking for my wife.. did you see her?"
"i thought you're with her?" he said
"yeah.. but she run away" i gulped.
lay give me a look that can't be read.. actually, he always has this kind of look.. can't be read..
we went to the field and find a perfect spot to sit on.
"you miss her?" he suddenly asked. i looked at him with my furrowed eyebrows but lay just keep staring at the sky.
"yeah" i said as i sighed.
"it must be tough to deal with her" he said as he turn to look at me.
"maybe.."
"i can tell.. it's really hard to handle that girl before, and i know it is harder to handle her now since you don't know what she really wants" he said as he wrinkled his nose.
i didn't thought that i would have a time to have a serious talk with lay.. cause, you know his attitude right? he's kinda.... weird sometimes.
"why did you choose her hyung?" he asked.
"what? oh.. i don't know.. all i know is that i love her and she gave me that feeling i never thought i would feel" i simply answered.
"you're a coward" he smirked.
"what? why?" i said in high tone.
"you neglect her effort before, and now you're regretting everything huh?"
"oh-uh.. i guess you're right" i said as i pouted.
"never neglect a person's effort to make you feel valued hyung. people do get tired, and it's not all the time they have strength to hold on" he advised as he stood up.
i just look at him in amazement.. i guess my friends are mature sometimes..
they're sometimes useful.


as i was driving on my way home, i saw a tarpaulin saying that there's a cooking lesson nearby our village.
then i remembered my wife.. wow, i must tell her this..

when i arrived.. i found Hee Rin, cooking.
i gulped heavily before i approached her.. i was trying to erase the bad happenings earlier..
"hey" i greeted. Hee Rin, ofcourse she ignored me and continue on what she was doing.
"uhmm.. you want to come with me?" i asked as i rubbed the back of my neck.
"where?"
"well.. there's a cooking class nearby, so... i thought you would like to improve your cooking" i grinned.
Hee Rin stopped mixing the soup then she take a deep breath before glaring at me.
"look luhan. if you're not satisfied on what i am cooking, then go eat outside" she said..
i didn't mean to hurt her.. i mean.. she misunderstood me.. i just want to help her.. and i just want to have a conversation with my wife. is that a bad idea?
i don't know how to talk to her.. cause everything i said, i don't know if she would feel hurt.. but i'm trying my best..



it's already 7 pm and we finished eating our dinner.. i was sitting on the couch lazily while watching the miami heat vs. boston celtics.
then Hee Rin sat beside me.. hmm... a few inches away from me..
she's busy checking out that boring magazine..

i would glanced at her every 5 seconds and would also checked out what she was looking at..
and i can't actually determine what she was looking at.. and i know.. it looks so boring..
anyways.. i keep on sweating.. and gulping heavily.. i don't know, but i feel tensed.
i can't concentrate on what i am watching.. maybe because Hee Rin is beside me.

then.. her phone rang..
i just watched her while talking on the phone and try to read what she was saying through her mouth.. but i can't read it..
then she widened her eyes as if there's an emergency.
as she hang up the phone, i asked her what's wrong then she sighed.
"it's mom" she said.
"well?"
"she's coming here" she sighed.
actually, i don't mind if her/my mom visit us here.. what i was worrying about is that.. Hee Rin and i were not in a good situation now.
"i thought she's in australia?" i asked.
"she just came back.. and she wants to visit us... now"

my mind was in panic mode but my body was relaxed..
i told her that we need to go buy some food for her mom, since we don't have a normal food here... i mean, we only have can goods and some instant noodles since that was the only food that Hee Rin can cook.
so we drove to the nearest grocery store..
Hee Rin was in panic while picking some random ingredients that are needed.. i want to laugh but i hold it back since i don't want Hee Rin to get angry..
and i think i kinda like this... i mean, we are now in a grocery store, i was pulling the cart while Hee Rin was the one choosing what to buy.. this is really great.. we're like a perfect and newly-wed couple.. isn't it?
"yah!! can you stop daydreaming?!! come here" Hee Rin shouted as she noticed that i was smiling by myself and was blocking the way.
"Hee Rin.. look, i want this" i grinned as i held up the choco drink.
"put it back" she said then i pouted.
"how about this one?" i smiled as i show her the box of cookies.
Hee Rin glared at me as if telling me that i need to stop.. so, yeah.. i stopped.
i was like a kid following her mom with a sad face on cause she didn't gave me what i wanted..

i swear.. if we would be having children in the future, i'll give them whatever they want and we're going to a grocery store without Hee Rin so that we can buy whatever we want.. and i am the best daddy ever.. keke.

as we arrived at our house, Hee Rin started cooking.. well... i helped her a bit.. since she's ignoring me, i don't know if she needs some help..

it's already 10 pm and Hee Rin already finished cooking..
we are now just waiting for the arrival of our mom.. i mean her mom..
then... the doorbell rang. we look at each other before heading to the door.
"good evening" i greeted as i bowed..
Hee Rin hugged her mom tightly as if she's about to cry..

"let's eat" i smiled.
we lead mrs. Park to the dining room and she would check every corner of our house as if she's judging.
as mrs. Park start eating, Hee Rin was just staring at her with her chin resting on her palm.. Hee Rin and I were done eating earlier, so we just talked with mrs. Park while she's eating.
actually.. Mrs. Park is kinda like Hee Rin.. she's so talkative.. and would smile every now and then.
we exchanged some talks and laughs as if we met our long lost friend..

when Mrs. Park was done eating..
"so, where's my room?" she smiled.
my eyes widened on her question then i turn to look at Hee Rin.. she just gave me a poker face.
"uhmm... just pick whatever room you want mom" Hee Rin suggested.
"okay.. where's your room?" Mrs. Park asked both of us..
Hee Rin and i look at each other with a pinicking look. then we both pointed on our room.. Mrs. Park gave us a puzzled look cause we're both pointing in two different rooms.
"oh sorry.. that's our room" i grinned as i pointed to my room.. then Hee Rin glared at me but i avoided her glare..
"okay then.. i should pick that room" Mrs. Park smiled as she pointed to one of the guest rooms.

we watch Mrs. Park as she walk in her room..
then when Hee Rin and I were left alone in the living room, the atmosphere changed.. it change into something scary, awkward, suspense... everything..

we walk slowly infront of my room and we stared at my door for 5 seconds.. then i turn the doorknob.. we can't sleep in separate rooms since her mom would question us for sure.
Hee Rin sat on the bed and i was standing awkwardly while facing the other side of the bed..
"uhmm.. you should change" i said..
"uh, yeah" then she walk to the bathroom.

i was lying on the bed awkwardly when Hee Rin came out.. she changed her day out dress into a pajama and a tank top.
then she lied next to me and covered half of her body with a blanket..

it's so quiet.. all i can hear is my heartbeat and Hee Rin's breathing..
i can't sleep.. especially when i am beside her and she's ignoring me..
it feels so awkward..

it was already 12 midnight and i am not asleep yet..
i was facing Hee Rin's back and she was sleeping peacefully..
i decided to play with her hair just to entertain me... and to shrug the awkward feeling off..

as i continue to play with her hair.. i am missing her more..
i miss those times when we cuddle closer while sleeping.
i miss Hee Rin's hug..
i miss when she toss around the bed cause she's finding the perfect spot.
when i extend my arms and she simply rest her head and we would cuddle closer as it gets chilly.. i miss those.
now... she's just beside me yet i i can't feel her.. it's the worst way to miss someone.. when you're just beside her yet she seems so far away..






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