I love you , Why can't you love me back?

P10- Serious Talk

When they arrived home, Hee Rin quickly headed towards her room since she felt so exhausted after playing with kids. Luhan wants to talk to her though, but then he thought she needed some rest and his words could wait. He still didn't greet her a happy birthday though. He just felt so guilty and he doesn't know how to start a conversation with her. He feels bad for her.
The next morning, Luhan wakes up with a sweet scent entering his nostrils. He looked to his side and saw that his wife was putting something on his side table and he forced a smile. He noticed that whenever he wakes up, his wife would always put flowers on his side table. She loves flowers.
"Good morning" she greeted and Luhan nodded before proceeding to do his daily routine.
The whole day pass by quickly and all Luhan does is sat on the couch or sprawled on the living room lazily while watching movies while Hee Rin just disappeared out of his sight. Maybe she's out fixing her garden.
Hee Rin always spends most of her time in the garden whenever there is no class. Luhan could care less.
When it was dark outside. Luhan lied on his bed while staring blankly at the ceiling. It's 2 in the morning and he can't find himself nearly asleep. He would toss around his bed but he couldn't find the perfect position to let himself drawn to sleep. So he decided to walk for a while. Maybe he just needs some fresh air.
He stared at the glass door that is leading to their garden and contemplated whether he would go there or not. He scratches his head and silently slid the glass door open, stepping out towards the garden and he swears that as soon as the cold wind hit his bare arms he wanted to go back inside. The cold breeze slaps him and he shivered.
"Wow, this is amazing. No wonder why Hee Rin is always here" he mumbled when he got a better look of the whole landscape. The flowers were so beautiful that you just wanted to sit there for a while and stare at it for a moment. It looks so peaceful and serene.
When Luhan nears the gazebo, he realizes that there is also someone sitting there. He shrug at the sight and wonders if his wife couldn't sleep too.
"Hey" he greeted and sat on the metal chair across her. Hee Rin look up at him and narrowed her eyes, totally appalled that her husband is here in the garden at this late hour.
"Hello" She manage to greet and inhaled the fresh scent of the flowers surrounding them. It felt good.
"Why are you here?" Luhan asked as he eyed the gazebo. "I mean, it's already late" He pointed out. Hee Rin let her hair sway as the cold wind passes and she silently shivered in her seat. Luhan thought he caught the smell of her shampoo as the wind pass by them and he unconsciously smiled.
"I can't sleep" she stated and genuinely smiled at him that Luhan had to look away.
"Why?"
"Just thinking... About school, the orphanage. And maybe, us" she says as she rubbed her arms and Luhan nodded, thinking if he should get a sweater for her.
"Well I guess I'm not surprise about that" Luhan muttered and Hee Rin stifled a laugh.
"How about you? Why are you even here?" she asked.
"I can't sleep too"
"And I was thinking too, that's why" he added. She nodded and looked away. Luhan stared at her for a while, thinking whether she would respond but she didn't. So he continued. "Aren't you asking what could be bothering me when I can't sleep?" He asked curiously as he cocked his head to the side.
"No" she answered almost immediately and meet his eyes.
"Why?"
"Just... I won't ask question which I do not want to hear the answer" she said with a crooked smile. Luhan scoffed at her statement and realizes that she was right. Maybe she knew what he was thinking: divorce, life without Hee Rin, plans wih Ji Eun.
There was a moment of silence and the flowers were dancing around them with the wind. The night was simply cold and the two of them were silently sharing this peaceful moment. Luhan lets his eyes wander around but Hee Rin. He rubbed the back of his neck and cleared his throat. "Can I ask you something?" and Hee Rin blinked at him before grinning.
"Of course, go ahead" she beamed, surprised as to why he's been acting strange.
"Why do you like me?" He asked nonchalantly and Hee Rin looked at him, confused. "I mean, you know that I don't like you..." He trailed off. He ducked his head down to at least cover the guiltiness in his eyes and when as he looks up, he saw that she's taking in a deep breath with her eyes close before smiling at him again.
"What?" He asked as he eyed Hee Rin. "Okay, so have you ever been inlove before?" Luhan asked and Hee Rin almost choked.
She eyed him sheepishly and shook her head shyly while mumbling a "no"
"If so, the how come you know that you love me?"
"I just know" she stated and Luhan flinched.
"Well, have you ever been in love before Ji Eun?" she asked. Luhan looked away, not wanting for this conversation to go any further.
"No" said Luhan with his eyebrows furrowed, not feeling good about where this talk is leading.
"Then how come you know that you're in love with her?" Hee Rin managed to ask and she look straight in his eyes that he gulped heavily. He rubbed his arms from the sudden coldness.
"Because I'm happy when I am with her and I know that she's happy too when she's with me and I can't imagine myself without her and I miss her every single day" Luhan smiled and reminisced the moments where he and Ji Eun were having a great time together.
Hee Rin stared at him with blank expression before taking a deep breath again. Trying to control the tears that were threatening to fall from her eyes. She can't cry right now. Not in front of him.
"I answered your question. You should answer mine too" Luhan pointed out.
"What should I answer?"
"Just give me a 5 or 10 reasons why you love me?" Luhan suggested as he rolled his eyes. Hee Rin laughs as she looks at him and sighed before looking away.
"I don't need 10 or hundred or even a thousand reasons why I love you.. Just seeing you explains everything" she confessed and Luhan swears his heart melted at that very moment. He suddenly forgets how to speak and the wind suddenly stops. His palm starts sweating and he gulped heavily. She's so straight forward.
Luhan snap out of his daze and look at her again. "Then, can I ask you something?" she asked.
"Go ahead"
"Are you mad at me? I mean, are you mad that I ended up being your wife?" and she prayed that he will say no. Just please say no.
Please say no.

Please say no.
Luhan thought for a while and looks down to his feet. "As what you said, do not ask questions which you do not want to hear the answer" He said, trying to not look at her hoping eyes.
Hee Rin gulped and felt her heart sink. She actually knew that he will never like her. But she didn't know how it felt like to hear him say those words. She never knew that it will hurt this much. It hurts that she wants to die.