I love you , Why can't you love me back?

P34- Can't face her

LUHAN'S POV
as I got home.. I quickly searched for my wife..
I want to talk to her.. I want to explain..
I knock on the door of her room. But she's already asleep..

well.. maybe I'll just talk to her tomorrow.

but.. as I woke up.. Hee Rin was in a hurry that I can't even get to say good morning..
and whenever I gets home.. She's already asleep..
that is when I realize... 3 days have passed..
Hee Rin seems like avoiding me..
she always find her way to make herself busy..
she always excuse herself whenever I tried to talk to her.
and I found myself with the feeling of heaviness in my heart. I miss Hee Rin.. I miss talking with her at late nights..


YOUR POV
I am avoiding Luhan..
I don't know.. I just felt like I don't want to talk to him..
I don't want to hear his excuses. Because I'm scared.. I'm scared that it might hurt me..
I'm scared that his excuses might break my heart.
I'm scared that he might leave me..
so please understand me..... It's so hard to be as me..

and at night, Luhan would knock on my door atleast 3 times?
but I always pretend that I was asleep..
even though I really can't sleep..
I can't sleep because of Luhan. I can't sleep because of Ji Eun.
I can't sleep because.. I want to talk to Luhan but I can't convince myself from doing so.
call me coward.. I don't care..
I just don't want to regret everything I've worked so hard.
I don't want to lose my Luhan.
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Today... Is another boring day..
I walked to the canteen only to find Ji Eun hugging my Luhan..
I want to slap her right in the face! But I can't..
cause I don't know whether Luhan would be on my side or Ji eun's side..
so I just ate by myself and I kept looking at them..
I can't control myself from glancing.
that's right.. One of life's greatest hypocrisy is it hurts when you see the one you love with somebody else.
but still you keep on staring..

as the class ended, I head to the garden since I don't want to go home yet.
I sat on the bench with my earphones on, while listening some randm music in my ipod.
i watch as the leaves fall from the trees and as the wind blow them..
I enjoyed watching the scenery when unexpectedly... Tao sat beside me as he removed my earphone from my right ear.
"what are you doing here?" he asked.
"nothing.. just want to ease my mind" I smiled.
"and what is that you're listening?"
"oh.. here" I hand him the other earphone. He put it in his left ear as I put the other in my right ear. We sat here silently, letting the time pass by.

[A/N: here's the song that they're listening to..http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tlhQghmuMf8]

we smiled as we listen to the song as we watch the wind blow by..
sometimes.. the only way to explain how you feel is to find the song with perfect lyrics that will speak for you.
"Hee Rin noona.. why don't you talk to luhan hyung?" Tao asked.
"I'm scared Tao.. I'm scared that his reason might give me so much pain" I smiled.
"don't you trust him?"
"ofcourse I do.."

I trust my Luhan with all of my heart..
but my mind keeps telling me that "don't trust too much, don't love too much, don't hope too much because that too much can hurt you so much"
how can I even bare to listen to my heart if I know in my mind that I will get hurt.?

"noona.. you're not supposed to be like that.. you're a girl" Tao whined.
"what do you mean?"
"Iuhan hyung should be the one who gives you more love.." he pouted.
"I'm not afraid to give my love to him" I said.
"Tao oppa.. always remember that it doesn't matter how someone can return the love you gave them, cause love doesn't need to be equal or fair, it only needs to be true" I added.
he just stare at me in awe..
am I right? that love doesn't need to be equal?

I continued to watch the leaves that were blown by the wind..
how I wish I was that leaf..
I wish there's a wind that would take me somewhere.. Somewhere that is far from everybody..
somewhere that is far enough to escape from this pain..
then I remember those days when me and Luhan were so oh perfect couple..
when is it again? 1 week? 2 weeks ago?

isn't it funny? Cause sometimes we are only given a few moments to be with the one we love..
but thousands of hours to spend just thinking of them...
I miss him.. I miss my Luhan.. I miss talking and cuddling with him at late nights..

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