Smile (a Michael Jackson Fanfiction)

(21)

"I love you too," I smile as a wide grin consumes his face. 

"I know." he grins cockily, holding my face in his massive hands and pulling me into a dizzying kiss before I can give him a smart ass response. 

"Don't be an ass," I murmur into his mouth as he moves his hands down to my waist.

"Don't be nasty," he smiles, smacking my ass playfully. 

"Are you trying to start something Mr.Jackson?" I ask, cocking a brow after reluctantly pulling my lips from his. 

"Maybe," he winks before kissing me again. 

"I have to use the washroom," I sigh against his lips after a few more minutes of making out. 

"Really?" he groans, rubbing his hands over my hips.

"Yes Michael," I giggle, kissing the corner of his mouth, "I'll be quick." I smile as I walk around him. 

"Fine." he pouts playfully as I walk into the washroom. I shut the door before turning to go to the washroom when the mirror catches my eye. All I see is the image that I know isn't really there.

The overweight, ugly, unwanted, 16 year old version of me. 

"Shit," I sigh, rubbing my eyes, trying to wash it away. I take my hands away from my eyes and 16 year old me is smiling tauntingly, 

"You know you still look like this right?" younger me says, raising her brow. I tighten my eyes shut, shaking the dysmorphia away. 

"No, I don't," I look back in the mirror and I only see the real version of myself. An involuntary tear slips from my eye and I wipe it away immediately. 

He can't see me like this.

I rub my eyes as tears build up behind my eyes. I have to get out of here before I break down in front of him. Michael lays in the bed, watching me as I place a hand on my forehead.

"Hey, are you okay?" he asks softly, standing from the bed. 

"Yeah, I'm fine," I breathe as he walks up to me.

"Are you sure?" he asks quietly, tilting my chin up let my eyes meet his. 

"Yeah, I'm just going to go take a walk on the beach and clear my head," I sigh shakily, avoiding eye contact with him. He wraps his arms around my waist, pulling me closer to him, making my breath hitch at the body contact with him.

"Do you want me to come with you?" he says, trying to search my face for the answers I'm not giving him.

"No, I'd like to be by myself," I say, way more politely than usual. 

"Okay," he sighs reluctantly, "I'll be in the house if you need me. Come get me when you're ready, I love spending time with you." he smiles. I look up at him and give him a weak smile, still holding back the tears that are pushing to come out. I nod my head softly as he kisses me on the cheek and I start to walk out of the room, Michael's eyes on me the whole time. 

As I reach the beach, my face starts to crumple as tears start to stream down it. 

"Why am I so fucked up?" I huff, wiping my face aggressively as I flop down on the sand. 

"You're not," a familiar voice asks from behind me. 

"Catherine?" I whisper to myself as my brows furrow, trying to figure out why the hell I'm hearing her voice. 

"Hey Em," she smiles walking up beside me. 

"What is with all of the hallucinations today?" I mumble to myself, holding my face in my hands, "This can't be real."

"You're right," she nods, sitting down beside me, "But you need to listen me." she sighs as more tears roll down my face, now because of her. 

"Catherine..." I sob as she begins to talk. 

"Emma, I've missed you so much," she sighs, as I look into her eyes, "You are not fucked up. You haven't had many people in your life who've cared about you, and that's not your fault. But the people who have cared for love you so much. You had me, and now you have Michael. I remember you talking about him when we were younger. You always wanted to be friends with him, and now you're actually living your dream." she smiles wanly as I giggle through my own tears. 

"You were supposed to be a part of that dream." I sob, covering my mouth with the palm of my hand. 

"Things happen for a reason," she whispers as a single tear runs down her cheek, "Losing me has made you stronger. I wish I could come back, but I'm gone for a reason. I miss you, and I want to be able to hug you and laugh with you like we used to, but I'm dead," she laughs sadly as tears run down both of our faces, "Move on, Emma. Don't focus on the negative in your life. I love you, Emma, and I only want the best for you." she sighs, looking around, "I need to go now. I need to go." she says, standing up from the sand. A lump forms in my throat as she looks down at me. 

"Please don't leave. I don't want to let go." I cry as she shakes her head. 

"Let go, Emma. I'm not coming back. I am gone. Focus on the future, and stop trying to change things from the past because it's not going to work." she says sternly as I shake my head in disbelief, "I love you and miss you so much. Don't forget it." she smiles sadly, starting to walk away from me. 

I call her name constantly as she disappears into the distance. I drop onto the wet sand, sobbing as I grip onto the ground and her words ring through my brain. 

Maybe Cat is right. Maybe it is time for me to let go.