A painter's game - Tom Kaulitz

Need me, like i need you

***

I sat up with a deep of a breath "Tom." I breathed.

My eyes opened in a few seconds, I could now see, the Angel I had almost been able to see. The Angel I craved to touch.

My mouth dropped, as my fingers traced the outline of his upper body. Moving upwards to gently grab his cheek. His ever so sharp jawline and his golden brown eyes. His hair half tied up and the rest chestnut brown slightly dreaded.

I had no words, only my eyes spoke. Feeling them well up before even thinking.

I almost stuttered as i felt this hole in my throat.

I saw his eyes looking at me, waiting for me to say something. He looked worried, full of emotion.

I grabbed him by his shirt, pulling him closer. I felt his body press against me as my head held against his chest.

I heard his heartbeat, it was fast. I took a deep breath of a cry.

"Are you real.?" I squealed. My tears running down my face.

I pressed my hands more against his white shirt, it felt warm.

I heard him breath, I heard his heartbeat. He was, real.

"Yes, es." I felt the vibration of his voice.

I looked up at him, holding both my hands on his shirt. Looking up into his eyes.

My breath was ragged and uneven. I felt the mascara slightly smudge around my eyes.

I had so many questions, but right now, all I saw was him.

I couldn't stop crying.

"Things changed when you left." I breathed, trying to control my breathing.

He felt like a stranger, yet he made me feel safer.

His eyes softened. Grabbing me by my head and into a hug. "I know baby, I know." He reassured me.

The irony of pain is that you want to be comforted by who hurt you.

I grabbed his arm, wanting to feel him.

"I'd do anything to just hear your heartbeat once more." I cried against his chest. "I crave you so much that my body hurts" I confessed, I never felt more pain than now.

The worst pain is not being beaten, it's the words, and actions.

I wanted to do anything to feel him again.

I almost wanted him to destroy me,
To be able to feel the things I once did.

I pulled back, holding his arm, pulling his hand closer to me.

He looked at me, he was out of words. So was I, It was hard to say something when you hadn't seen him like this in a long time.

"I don't know if I can bare it anymore." I shook my head with a cry. "I've been destroyed, I'm not fixable." I looked at his losing eyes.

He blinked, then looked at me. "We're similar, you and I." He breathed, seeing a glimpse of tears in them, some sort of venerability. "Both children of the same monster. Both capable of their same atrocities."

And it was true, somehow it was.

It would always be apart of us, it would never let go. No matter how much you push it away, it'll fuck you up.

"We complete each other" I slightly smiled, feeling the tears well down my eyes. I was afraid he would leave me again.

He let go of me. "I don't know why I came here" he said. Making me fall to the ground.

"I should leave you alone, I can see what it's doing to you." He said, taking a step back.

I looked up at him. "Eat me, rip me apart." I cried. "Consume me inside and out, make me a part of you forever. Have me in a way no one else ever could." I yelped.

I felt my hands tremble.

He kneeled down, looked at my pleading face. Something told me that I was going back to where I had tried to escape, the parallels in my mind.

"I can't bare to see you" he started.

"No.." I cried, I tried to crawl, but the pain was unbearable. " I need you, please." It hurt, so much.

It felt like he was going to drift away, but he was real? Wasn't he?

"You made me feel things I want to have with me, you made me someone else and I need you." I begged. "I need you to love me where I'm most rotten." I grabbed onto him, grasping for him to just hold me and tell me that everything was going to be okay.

He looked at me, having his arms up as I laid in his lap. I could feel a cold tear fall on my back.

"All the violence I sacrificed for so you could become this gentle.." I whispered.

"You know that you deserve better." I could hear his sharp breathing. Him slowly placing a hand on my head.

"I need you to tell me that I'm worth getting better for." I begged with tears In my eyes, I begged, I really begged.

He slowly put his arms downwards my waist, making me sit up as I looked up into his eyes.

And then and there, in his arms. I became someone else, someone like myself.

His hands roamed their way up to my throat, gently holding them there. I still shuddered from being touched.

He looked down, every single detail of my body.

He whispered gently. "You're just heart and bones, with eyes of emerald. Who knew someone like you could make things so right for me." He said, hearing him breath heavily.

I bit m'y lip while crying, taking a deep breath. Feeling like a heavy weight was on me.

"Needing me is useless." He said, wiping away a tear from my cheek.

I felt his cold hand do what it's always had been doing.

"But I need you to need me back" I said in an agonising cry.

He slowly stood up again.

"Why did you leave me.." I cried, I wanted answers.

"Why didn't you call me, contact me, talk to me while you were away!" I blinked, breathing out the pain.

He held his hand to his face. "A lot happened, I don't know." He said, looking at me worried.

"Why won't you just let me all the way in." I grasped for air and then covered my mouth with a cry.

***