A painter's game - Tom Kaulitz

Yours

Some days had gone and it wasn't the same.

I didn't feel like myself anymore, I felt as if I wasn't alive.

Both Tom and bill tried to talk to me but I didn't feel like it, they were kinder than usual and that was nice and what I needed. But I didn't feel like talking, I felt as Tom just wanted to sleep with me again, and I didn't want that.

I wanted to give up, I didn't feel purpose in this life anymore.

I knew I couldn't ignore them forever, I wasn't angry or mad, I just couldn't handle it. I needed time.

Tom would try to talk or come closer to me but I pushed him away.

~~~

I sat in my room, resting as I tried to read the magazines that laid on the table.

I heard someone come up the stairs, I looked over and saw his black braids laying on his back.

He came up the stairs and looked at me with a worried face.

I glanced at him, waiting for him to say something.

He was now standing in the doorway looking at me who was on the bed looking at him.

Our eyes locked, just like they used to just that now it was, different.

The space in between us was different, the air, noise, everything was different.

I now sat up, I was ready to hear his voice and his words.

He took a breath, thinking of what to say.

"You're, different" he murmured.

And I knew that was true. I wasn't alive anymore, everything had been drained away from me. Something broke inside of me on that day, the light got lost.

"Sorry." Was the only thing I could let out.

I didn't feel like talking, I knew he didn't want to hurt me, but I couldn't let him break me any more.

"It wasn't you're fault" he added.

Those words made me feel something. It made me kind of sad. But I still felt as it was my fault.

"But it is, I trusted you in a way I can't forgive myself" I admitted.

He went closer as he sat beside me, he felt warm and comforting.

"Don't be so hard on yourself Eselin, you deserve better and I know that now.." he explained.

Those comforting words was what I needed. I knew he was manipulative, abusive, bipolar and mentally unstable, still I wanted to trust him.

I wanted to cry, but nothing ran down my eyes.

"I'm here, you can talk to me, or not, but I am here." He expressed.

I looked at him as he sat beside me, I gave him a slight smile.  He knew I didn't want to talk, but I did want him there.

He stood up again. I looked at him confused as he walked closer to me. I could feel his warmth and heartbeats.

I looked up at his brown gazing eyes, they were soft. They were warm and welcoming. I felt as if I searched for this kind of comfort all my life
I felt as if I had searched for those eyes forever.

He slowly raised his hand gently to my chin. And I accepted it.

His touch didn't feel cold, it was now just warm.

I had worried that his touch would be cold but it wasn't. It was what I wanted.

He was so gentle.

I closed my eyes as I felt him get closer.

I felt his soft lips against mine. I could feel his cold piercing touch my skin.

I could feel everything.

I could feel how gentle he was when he kissed me so softly.

That kiss felt like fire within my bones. Like my soul had returned for water. Like every part of me that came from a dead star is alive again.

The world stopped. This moment, so perfect.

I now knew no one could ever make me feel such an electric spark.

His lips let go. The instant I drew back from his lips and looked into those perfect eyes. I now knew , I would be addicted.

His hands was still on my chin. He couldn't stop smiling and that made me smile, this time I really smiled. Not just with my face, but with my heart.

I knew that he hurt me in ways that pain lost it's meaning, but that was now gone.

"Don't destroy me.. I just want you to love me" I whispered.

"Darling, you will never be unloved by me. You are too well tangled in my soul" he panted.

I looked at his eyes as I now felt, well, loved.
And for the first time, I felt that spark. That warm feeling of feeling loved. It hurt but I also knew I wanted more.

I didn't want to fall in love, not at all but at this point when he smiled, and holy shit. I blew it.

Fuck, I'm in love with him.
And his entire being.
His hands, and the way they hold mine.
His eyes, and the way they smiled at me.
His lips and the way they fit with mine.
Everything about him, and it's all mine,

"I love you.. i love you." I whispered as I wanted more.

"I love you too.." he said into my ear.

I could feel as his soft hands touched my cheek and pulled me in as our lips touched once again but now more passionate.
I placed my hand around his head and I now knew I had fallen, fallen for every piece of him.

His body was on top of mine as I laid on the bed. I could feel his warmth against my lips and neck. I took deep breaths as he kissed me so passionately.

He looked at me for a few seconds, in my eyes.

"Mine" he whispered.

"Yours", i breathed.