A painter's game - Tom Kaulitz

Familiar places

I slowly opened the door.
It was dark, it was unusual seeing the place being so quiet, dark and empty. When I looked left, I could still see that hallway. I could see the door were I had been torn.

My mind was in another place so when I heard the noise I flinched.

I heard a man scream and multiple punches.
Fuck.

I walked slowly closer. Praying to not make a sound.

I heard a loud pant and then quietness.

I was able to walk near the room. I sneaked and I was now able to see what it was.

It was him, Tom.

He was standing over a few bloody bodies.

His body was covered in messy blood. His arms, torso and face.. he had bruises on his body. His eyes empty, lost.

He looked furious. He scared me.

My eyes were big and my mouth slightly open. I froze in place as I didn't know what to do.

Suddenly he turned around and saw me.

His face turned from furious to worry.
His gaze softened as he saw me.

He ran up to me as I stared at him.

He was just as shocked as I was and lost for words.

His hands were shaken as he lifted it up gently towards my face. I was terrified, yet I wasn't.

I let him touch m'y face, even though I flinched.

A bit of blood smeared on my face from his touch. He held my face as his eyes welled up.

He closed them and a tear fell down. I had never seen him cry.

He suddenly fell on one knee.

"Please forgive me Eselin..." he pleaded.

I was shocked. Why was he so.. submissive?..

He held my hands.

"I killed so many people... and I wasn't there to save you in time.." he said with that German accent.

Hearing him plead like this was so different. I wasn't used to it what so ever.

His arms shook so much as he held mine.

He couldn't stop crying.

I didn't want to forgive him. I couldn't for what he had done. But I still felt touched.

He continued to silently cry while holding on to me.

I looked at the men. They looked like all the other men who raped me. I guess they were trying to kill Tom anyways.
I then looked back at the hallway.
I cringed from seeing the door.

I took toms hand and dragged it up. He stood up and looked at me with tears. His puppy eyes made me weak.
I placed my hand gently on his face. I gave him a slight smile.

I leaned closer and gave him a soft kiss on his cheek. I turned back and he gave me a soft smile.

I didn't know what to do anymore.. he made me feel safe.. but he was bad for me,
He was dangerous and hurtful.

I didn't feel like kissing or touch him. It all made me ache. I hated the feeling of cold hands on me.

"I need to be forgiven.." he whined.

"Oh Tom.. I can't forgive you." I sobbed.

I really couldn't. I loved him.. I really did,
I just couldn't forgive him.

He nodded as he understood.

"I couldn't control myself.. I-I thought you had died." Tom said.

"I'm already dead, Tom" I said and I really felt dead.

I didn't feel alive.

I grabbed his hand as I dragged him outside of this shit hole.

We walked outside of the door and towards the car.

"How did you know I was here..?" He asked while following.

"I know you Tom." I said.

I opened the door of the car. I was so tired.

I sat down as Tom sat beside me. I turned the car on and started it.

~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toms p.o.v

My hands were still shaken. A few seconds ago, I was beating the living hell out of men. Slicing their skin open and killing every single one of them. Thinking it could fill the pain of guilt I carried.

I was just about to shoot my self, but there I saw her in the hallway, my light. She stood there so peacefully. Her weak body barley being able to walk. Her barley even being alive. I felt as all my emotions dropped at once. I couldn't stop crying. I felt and cared too much for her. I felt too much, my emotions were too strong.

She had changed now. I didn't know what.

I knew she was powerful, like when she turned pain into purpose every time she broke. It made her stronger.

Her heart was good, it really was. It had just been broken, a lot. And I didn't know how to fix it.

Seeing her being torn apart, ruined into pieces and still being able to smile. She gave me such a warm smile and touch. Knowing I was supposed to do that to her instead. She held herself up, fuck she was strong.

I knew she deserved better. I knew I could never be forgiven. I had dragged her into this. It was my fault, everything. I couldn't let her go, I loved her.

I wondered if she felt the same after everything I had done.

I looked at her. Her expression was empty as she drove on the road. Her mind was somewhere else. She was numb.

______

Eselins p.o.v

I didn't know what to do.. I didn't know if I loved him or not..

I had been gang raped and that's something people can't recover from. But I was like "let's go get Tom".

I turned on the shower as I got undressed.

I saw the bruises and scars on my body. I breathed heavily as I cried silently.

What the hell did I do to deserve this..
And who was I to fall in love with someone like Tom..
I love him and I don't want to.

I sat down as the rain poured down on my face.

I held my legs with my arms while I had my head down.

I cried while the cold water dripped on my skin.

And all of a sudden I felt really tired, like the world has drained me for everything that I had.

_________

Toms p.o.v

I stood outside of the bathroom door. Listening to her silent cry, her cries for help.
I didn't mean to make her cry. It was something about the pain in her voice that made my heart ache.

The smile she gave me even when she felt like dying made me so guilty.

I couldn't escape the way I love her.