The Love I Need

Chapter 72

I didn't want to spend the morning alone with my thoughts. That's my reasoning for sitting in this church pew when a few weeks ago you wouldn't have been able to pay me enough to be here. And maybe, just maybe, I am also hoping to lay eyes on Theo...

I don't want to talk to him. I don't even want to get too close to him. I don't think my heart could handle that. But I miss him so much, I guess I'm just hoping that seeing him will help ease some of that ache.

Who am I kidding? I'm a fucking masochist. I know seeing him is just going to make it all hurt more but I can't seem to keep myself from wanting it anyway.

What I didn't consider ahead of time was how awkward it would be if he tried to sit with us. But now that we're here, it's all that I can think about. After all, I am sitting in a bench with his family. What's stopping him from joining us?

"Do you have ants in your pants?" Emily whispers loudly to me.

I wonder how many times Cal or April have asked the little spitfire that same question.

"I'm wearing a dress," I point out. It's even my own dress that fits me properly. I went shopping with April and Emily yesterday, and I decided it was about time that I had something to wear to church that didn't make me stand out and didn't come out of April's closet.

It definitely had nothing to do with wanting to look nice for Theo...

"I know that," Emily replies, scowling at me as if I'm as dense as a lead brick. "It's just what people say to you when you don't sit still. You keep moving."

I refrain from smirking at her frustration. I had a feeling answering her question as if I took it literally would get an amusing reaction from her. "Well, sorry," I apologize.

She does make a valid point. I've been crossing and uncrossing my legs and shifting around in my spot since the moment we sat down. We've only been here for a couple of minutes but it feels as if I've been here for more than an hour, just restlessly waiting to see if Theo will come sit next to me.

"It's okay," Emily says while patting my knee. "Just don't do it anymore."

"Monster," Cal leans to the side to whisper to her, "quit bossing around Emilia."

"You always boss me around for moving too much," she replies while crossing her arms over her chest.

"Yah, well, Mom bosses me around," Cal answers, almost as if he can commiserate with her. "But that's how it works. Mom tells me, I tell you."

Emily nods and adds on, "And I tell Emilia."

"No." Cal shakes his head. "That's not how it works."

"Why not?"

"Well, um..." He frowns, thinking about his answer. "Cause I said so...?" His answer is offered up in the form of a question.

"That's not a real reason," Emily argues back.

Their bickering fades into the background when I feel tingles travelling up the back of my neck.

I know Theo is behind me before I hear his low, smooth voice.

"Morning, Annie. Boys." He greets the family two benches behind us while he takes a seat in the same row as them.

Emily forgets all about her argument with Cal and turns around when she hears him. "Uncle Theo!" she whisper-shouts. She gestures for him to come join us and then turns to me while knocking me with her elbow. "Move over. I want him to sit by me."

"Hi, Emy," Theo greets his niece, leaning forward over the back of the bench between us to be able to talk to her without speaking too loudly. "I'll sit with you next week, okay? Your bench is looking a little full already."