The Love I Need

Chapter 45

As always, it's a little weird spending the day with Cal's family, but this time it's for different reasons than before.

I don't know how to act around Theo.

This morning we were making out. We know it, and April knows it. But Cal and Emily have no idea, and Theo hasn't given me any hints about whether or not he wants to change that.

After April left Theo's this morning, I took a mug of coffee and a cigarette to Theo's back deck. I sunk into one of the wooden Muskoka chairs and thought about the past twenty-four hours in which so much had happened.

What started as a slow, ordinary day, ended with Vee bringing up what I wanted to forget, Cal freaking out and crying, and Theo holding me together when I was sure I had already been blown apart.

And then that kiss this morning...

My eyes move across Cal and April's living room to land on Theo. I'm thinking about that kiss—those kisses—from this morning all over again. The way his lips moved against mine, the feel of his tongue exploring my mouth, his hands in my hair and against my skin and holding my hips...

Fuck. Why aren't we alone in his house right now? We've been here almost all day, joining them at their dinner table for lunch and supper and playing board games or watching family-friendly movies. I don't know how much more of this I can take.

Theo lifts his eyes from the game he's playing with Emily as if he can feel my gaze on him. He's immediately smiling, but when he sees my face he looks momentarily startled.

Perhaps my expression is a dead giveaway to how badly I want to be on top of him right now.

I wink at him. I can't help myself. But it doesn't get the reaction I was expecting.

He doesn't wink back at me. He doesn't even smile. He sort of just stares at me with a blank expression and then turns back to the game of Guess Who.

"Does your character have glasses?" he asks Emily, and when she shakes her head he flicks down five characters.

Next to Theo are two boards with cards set up of characters that can be positioned up or placed face down. One is angled toward him and the other is angled toward Emily. They've each chosen one character for the other to guess.

Cal sits next to Emily, studying the characters she has standing on her board. I've noticed that he keeps bouncing his leg up and down, and he continually reaches back to touch April who's sitting on the opposite end of the couch from Theo.

She's busy knitting, of all things, but each time Cal brushes his hand against her thigh or lightly taps her knee she looks up and smiles at him. When she's not smiling, she has the same blank expression on her face that Theo just gave me. She hasn't even tried to make friendly conversation between the two of us.

Normally, I would be pleased about this. I don't need small talk and smiles from Cal's wife. But after this morning, it's a little nerve-racking.

Hadn't she said "Good" when I admitted to caring about Theo? Why is she making it weird now?

Better yet, why is Theo making it weird?

Before I know what I'm doing, I'm abruptly standing up from the overstuffed chair I've been sitting in.

All four of them look at me, but Emily's attention quickly moves back to the game at hand. "Is your character wearing a hat?"

I begin to walk toward the kitchen, and Theo's eyes follow me. I know because Emily repeats her question and tacks on "Uncle Theo?" at the end of it with some confusion.