The Love I Need

Chapter 37

--NOW--

I only manage to rap my knuckles against the door twice before it quickly swings open.

Cal stares at me, almost as if he can't believe that it's me standing there, then pulls me into his strong arms.

I welcome the embrace, but I can't shake the nagging feeling that something about it is wrong. He wouldn't hug his wife this morning and now he's clinging to me... What the hell happened last night after I left?

"Cal," I squeak out when he makes no move to loosen his tight grip on me.

"Shit." He releases me and takes a small step back. "Sorry, Emy. I... I noticed earlier that your stuff was gone. I thought that maybe you left."

"Why would that even matter? You've moved on, Cal. You made it extremely obvious last night. Why can't I move on too?"

"You can," he answers quickly. "I just... I don't want to lose you again."

"You're not making any sense!"

"When have I ever made sense? I've got a messed up way of thinking! Don't pretend that's news to you, Emy!"

He winces once he's done yelling and looks at the staircase. "Could we talk outside? I just got Monster to bed and April will be upset if she gets back from work and finds her awake."

I'm tempted to tell him that I don't give a fuck if April is upset or not but I know that's not quite true. I felt for her this morning when Cal wouldn't hug her. Not to mention, I don't need a kid hearing Cal and I argue. There's no telling how many times we'll end up swearing.

Cal turns the porch light on and we step outside. He starts to sit on the top step but then seems to change his mind and begins to pace instead. It doesn't look like he will be the one to start the conversation but I can't really blame him.

I don't know where to start either.

"What does she do for work?" I ask, adding, "April," to clarify who I'm talking about. I don't exactly care but I'd rather make small talk than jump into a discussion about last night.

Cal stops pacing to give me a curious look as if he knows that I don't really give a fuck, then answers, "She's a counselor. Mainly for women who have suffered... trauma." He pauses and rubs the back of his neck before making eye contact with me. "That's part of why I suggested the other day that you talk to her. Not that I'm trying to guess what happened to you. I just... I have an idea about that sort of thing too, ya know?"

I nod slowly. I do know, even if I don't know much. "Does it help you? Talking to her about it?"

He looks away again and cracks his knuckles. "A bit. I don't talk to her about it too much. I talk to Melissa. I didn't want—I don't want April to know all the details. It's hard enough that she knows any of it... though I think it's also good for us. She gets it, you know?" He glances at me with a worried expression. I don't think he meant to say that last part.

"Something happened to her too." It's not a question but a statement. Perhaps April and Cal have more in common than I first thought.

"We're not talking about her," his voice comes out defensively but that comes as no surprise. Of course he doesn't want to talk about what happened to his wife. He could never talk about what happened to himself.

And I can't talk about what happened to me...

"You two are good though?"

I don't know where that question comes from. I shouldn't care about where the two of them stand. I don't care.