The Love I Need

Chapter 29

The service finally comes to an end after more praying and more singing.

We stand for the last hymn, and Cal gently lowers a sleeping Emily down into the pew. As people begin to exit from the back of the room, he turns around to lift her into his arms. She stirs awake and looks around, then lays her head on his shoulder, looking ready to go right back to sleep.

"She can walk," April says with a smile, but Cal makes no move to put her down.

"I don't mind. She rarely sleeps on me anymore," he replies softly, stroking a hand down the back of her head.

Would he have been the same way with our daughter or son?

The idea that Cal would hate to have a child had brought me an ounce of comfort after my ectopic pregnancy, however small that comfort had been. But seeing him now with Emily, as well as every other sweet moment I've seen the two of them share, fights against that bit of comfort. Maybe he would have learned to love our child too, given the chance. Maybe it would have brought him back to me.

I turn away from them to face Theo, in time to see him sitting down in the pew again and leaning toward the ground. He picks up a cane that's resting in the aisle next to our pew, then moves to his feet again. I must have been too distracted by that bitch behind us, Annie, to notice it when he came in.

Organ music plays as the church pews empty. Theo waits until Annie and her boys, along with the rest of the people in their bench, walk into the aisle to exit, then he steps out of our pew and gestures for me to walk out ahead of him.

After stepping into the aisle, I glance over my shoulder while slowly following the masses.

Theo allows Cal and April to walk out, then begins to move forward with the help of his cane.

Cal walks beside me, still carrying Emily in his arms, but April hangs back with Theo. I see her gesture toward his cane with a smile that Theo doesn't return.

When we step into the front foyer, Cal nods his head to the side where an open door leads into a large room. The majority of the people are gathering there, while others exit the building into the parking lot. "There's coffee, and if we're lucky, cookies."

"You mean we have to stay longer?" I groan.

Cal smirks as he nods his head. "Yah, at least this week. April and I are on the list today for coffee and clean up."

When we step into the room, a little girl runs up to Cal and tugs on one of Emily's dangling feet. "Emy! Emy! Do you want to come to my house for lunch today?"

Emily's head whips off of Cal's shoulder and she squirms in his arms until he places her on her feet. "Can I, Dad, can I?"

"Did your parents already say it was okay?" he asks Emily's friend.

She points the toe of her shoe into the ground and smiles up at him bashfully. "I didn't ask them yet..."

"Well, maybe you should before I give you my answer," Cal says with a light laugh.

"Come on, Emy, let's go find my mom!" She grabs Emily's hand and the two run off into the crowd.

Cal watches them dash across the room, then looks at me. "Let's hope Avery's parents say yes. That girl's gonna be a bouncing ball of energy now that I let her nap for so long."

I'm not sure what he expects me to say in reply, so I just look at him with a blank expression.

Cal shrugs and points to a table to the side with two large coffee urns and stacks of styrofoam cups. "Coffee?"