The Love I Need

Chapter 13

I wake up drenched in sweat with tears running down my face.

I sit up in the unfamiliar bed and wipe my face with my hands. It takes me a moment to remember where I am.

My eyes roam to the upholstered, accent chair that Cal had sat in. It's empty now, and once again pushed into the corner of the room instead of close to the bed.

The small amount of comfort I had felt with Cal watching over me as I fell asleep is gone. As I sit, shivering in this lonely bed, and staring at the empty chair in the corner, I feel more alone than ever.

Once again, Cal has left me. But this time it wan't because he thought I left first.

No, this time it was to go sleep next to his wife.

At least he kept the light on...

I look around the room for my backpack and slip out of bed to retrieve my phone. It's been days since I've turned it on, but there's no clock in this damn room, and I want to know what time it is.

I sit on the edge of the mattress and power it on. The alerts of missed calls and text messages start flooding in. I don't have to listen to them to know who they're mostly from.

Justin.

I open our texting conversation which has unread messages dating back to the day I packed a bag and left. The few times I've turned on my phone since then, I didn't bother reading them.

Justin: Im so sorry Lia. I know I fucked up. I should have respected your no and left it at that. I didn't mean for any of that to go down the way it did
Justin: I was high ok. I didn't know what I was doing. I know that doesn't make it ok but you gotta forgive me
Justin: please Lia. Come home. I need you. We can fix this

He's wrong. There is no way we can ever fix what happened. No one can.

I can't read any more of this. Tears well up in my eyes and my hands shake as I delete the text messages without reading the rest of what he's sent me. I clear my voice mailbox next, and then I do what I should have done a long time ago.

I block Justin's number.

My phone reads that it's 1:16 a.m.

I only have two other messages on my phone, so I take a minute to check each one.

Adam: I'm worried about you. I know you hate me, but could you at least let me know if you're okay?

Fuck you, Adam.

I block his number too.

Marissa: Did you find him???? It was so good to see you, Amelia jk jk Emilia. Tell Cal we say hi if you end up finding him and please let us know. Either way your always welcome back here. So is he. Ricky meant it when he said he forgave him. Don't be a stranger

Her message causes a small smile on my face, but it doesn't last. How can I admit to her that I found him, but that he's married?

I can barely admit it to myself.

Without replying to her, I power down my phone again.

I stand up from the bed and retrieve a pair of leggings from my bag. Once I've stepped into them, I pick up my pack of cigarettes and quietly make my way out of the bedroom and down the hallway to the staircase.

I slip my shoes on by the front door and then notice my mouth feels disgusting. The lingering flavours of salt and onion from my late night snack have left behind a foul taste and a dry feeling. After my cigarette I'm going to have to brush my teeth for a solid ten minutes, but for now, I head to the kitchen to get a drink of water.