The Love I Need

Chapter 4

--NOW--

Cal pointed to a large, black pickup truck a couple of spaces away, and told me I could go ahead and wait inside. He hit a button to unlock the doors, and then watched as I climbed into the passenger seat and shut the door behind myself.

He kept looking at me like he thought I was going to disappear at any moment. Knowing what I know now, I can't say I really blame him.

His daughter must have called for him, because he suddenly gives his head a quick shake. It's as if he's trying to snap himself out of a daze.

I watch in the truck's rearview mirror as he leans into the same black car that Emy had run to earlier. He helps buckle her into a booster seat in the back, and then ruffles her hair and shuts the door.

He walks to the front of the car where Theo is standing, and they exchange some words. Theo looks a little angry, or maybe just worried. His eyes look to the truck where I'm sitting, and he gives a slow shake of his head. It looks like he says the words, "Be careful."

His warning to Cal makes me squeeze my hands into fists. What does he even mean by that? Why would Cal have to be careful of me?

I'm still seething when Cal climbs in the driver's side of the truck and looks over at me with a huge smile. The smile quickly disappears when he sees my face. "What's wrong?"

I widen my eyes at him, and he realizes his mistake.

"I guess a lot, eh?" he says softly, then drums his fingers against the steering wheel before he starts the truck. "It's not a long drive, I'd better get talking."

He looks out the window and waves to Theo and Emy as the black car drives past us. He pulls out of the parking spot behind them and follows them down the road. "So, when you left me, I-—"

"Cal, wait, I need to tell you—"

"No, Emy, you wait. I need to get this out there, okay? When I'm done, you can say whatever you want, but for now, just shut uhhh, be quiet, please."

The way he stops himself from saying "shut up", and even says "please", keeps me quiet. I need to tell him the truth, but I guess it won't hurt to hear things from his side first.

He smiles at me, and then looks back at the road. "As I was saying, when you left, I understood. I mean, I didn't at first. I kind of just wanted to die, but then it made sense, ya know? I didn't deserve you, and I always knew that. I went from trying to push you away, to just taking your love for granted, and I'm actually just shocked you didn't leave my ass sooner."

I open my mouth again, but Cal shoots me a look and keeps talking.

"After, I went downhill pretty fast, but I'm sure you could have guessed that. I mean, I was going downhill at top speeds when you were still around, so obviously, without you, I was straight up fucked. Not that it was your fault, I'm just saying."

"Cal..." I reach a hand across the truck cab to touch his cheek.

He leans into my hand, and his eyes close for half a second, before he opens them to look at the road again.

"I blew through the money I had pretty fast. I knew I could go back to Joe and the guys, but it just didn't feel right without you. Not to mention Justin... He'd kill me for making you leave. The guy was always in love with you, ya know? It drove me fucking crazy, but at the same time, I couldn't blame him. Plus, he was a great friend and loyal to a fault..." He gives a small shake of his head, like he's remembering some of the arguments we had about Justin over the years.

"I know I acted up at times about it, and I was a shit friend to him, but for the most part, I knew he wouldn't try anything. He was content to just have you around, and I trusted him," Cal explains, then glances at me, "Actually, toward the end, I wasn't worried about him going after you, anymore... I was just worried that you were going to realize he was more fun to be around, and that you'd decide that you would rather be with him. But then, you left us both, so... Guess I was worried about the wrong thing."

Fuck... My stomach twists at his words. I need to tell him the truth. But when I open my mouth to try and speak again, he holds up his hand to silence me.

"I'm not done yet. Please, Emy, just listen."

Before I can agree or disagree, he smiles to himself and says, "Emy... my daughter... Yeah, I don't blame you for getting mad at me back there. I can see how that looked. She wasn't named after you, though."

He looks at me, and reaches up to gently take my hand that I have resting against his cheek. He pulls it away from his face, and gives it a small squeeze, then releases his hold. He puts his hand back on the steering wheel.

I can't help but to feel like he was just trying to get me to stop touching him. It was far more gentle than the way he used to slap my hands away, but for some reason, it hurts even more.

"What, you just liked the name?" I ask, skeptically. I cross my arms over my stomach.

"No," he says, and then laughs, "It's always been super weird for me. I call her Monster most of the time, 'cause I can't bring myself to call her Emy like everyone else does. Her actual name is Emily. She's named after her grandmother... But I don't really get along with the woman, so I feel weird calling my daughter the same name."

"You don't get along with your wife's mother, why am I not surprised?" I try to say it as a joke, but the word "wife" feels gross in my mouth. I still can't believe Cal is married.

"Mother-in-law," Cal says, causing me to roll my eyes.

"Yeah, your mother-in-law, whatever."

"No, I mean, the name Emily is after my wife's mother-in-law." He glances at me, and must see the way I'm trying to make the connections, because he adds, "Obviously not my mother. Her first husband's mom."

"Ahh, she's divorced," I nod my head in understanding, "I guess that explains why old lady Emily isn't a fan of yours. What, did your wife leave her son for you? Ooh, you didn't sleep together while she was still married, did you?"

"What?" he asks, looking offended, but then he says, "Oh, yah, I guess I can see the confusion... No, she's not divorced. Her first husband, Monster's dad, died. There was a car accident when Emily was just a baby. This was a number of years before I met them."

Oh.

"In the park, when I said she wasn't mine, that's what I meant... She isn't mine biologically. She is fucking mine, though. I can't believe I let her hear me say otherwise... Fuck!" He slaps a hand against the dash, and then mutters, "Sorry, sorry."

"It's okay. It looks like she already forgave you," I remind him.

He smiles and nods, but then frowns again. "Forgiven or not, I still feel terrible. You know what it's like not having a dad, feeling unwanted... I made her a promise, and she just heard me go back on it. Of course she's going to say she forgives me, but that doesn't mean she's not going to remember what I said, or that it's not going to make her doubt me. I feel like I've hardly made it back into her good books, and now..." he drifts off, and hits the dash again, this time shouting, "Frick!"

Frick?! Who the fuck is this, and what has he done with the real Cal Jones?

I'm about to ask, when Cal hits the brakes and puts the truck in park.

I was too busy watching his face and listening to him, to realize we were no longer following the small black car with Theo and his daughter. We're behind a large building, parked next to a dumpster bin.

I turn in my seat to look out the window, and see that there are no other vehicles or people around us.

I look back to Cal, and notice the way he's staring at me. "Emy..." he says, after a moment. He pulls his gaze away to glance around, and then looks back at me. "I can tell you're high. Where's the blow?"

A grin lights up my face.

There's the real Cal Jones. I was wondering when he'd finally show up.