*Thank you all for the love and support. Don't forget to like and subscribe. You can fine me on Patreon, YouTube, Tumblr, and Facebook. God bless you all, loves, and I pray you all have a wonderful year.
The car ride is silent, and I am far from wanting to be the one to break it. The tension is there as Kalston seems to be afraid of doing the same. I'm still not sure what to make of what happened, and quite frankly, all I want to do is go home and sleep. Numb has already set in. I can't push myself to want anything more than to sleep. Even that seems like it might be a problem if I'm plagued with nightmares again.
Where am I to escape to then?
'You could always...'
No! I want to but I can't.
Wanting, craving to find my escape where it's always been, in a series that I've read countless times, I know I can't find sanctuary in it anymore. Though the tale is intoxicating to me, a new life and a love willing to sacrifice anything to keep each other safe, even their life itself, it's not a series I can read anymore. It hurts, but I'm not at the point yet where I'm willing to give up care over my convictions. Especially when I already feel like crap and wondering if I did something wrong.
What did I do? That's not like any vision I've had before. It wasn't a moving playing out, I was actually there.
I could always try to trigger it again when back home.
No! I don't know what that was or if it's something I should be playing around with. Why am I going to be so willing to fall into it again? Chance deluding myself again?
Lord, I'm sorry. Please... Please, tell me what to do...
'People have visions without it being witchcraft. Maybe you're prophetic? Maybe it's a new gift?'
That wasn't like that though. That was something from the past... my past.
Right? But, no, I don't ever remember being there with Jackson... or them? That's not something that happened, or the him I remember.
'Maybe in a different timeline? Parallel universe?'
No... I don't think those exist. Do they? I don't know, I don't want to think about this anymore.
'But what if...'
What if nothing!
Please, Lord, help me to forget. Help me to just, not right now.
"Love... We're home. Are you okay?"
Focusing back into now, I'm not sure how long we've been home for. I feel like it's been a moment, but I can't say for sure.
Still trying to avoid talking all that much, I try to give a quick response before getting out of the car.
"Yeah, I'm just tired. Sorry."
I keep my gaze directed at the ground as I focus on getting myself in. A fog settles over me. Dissociating seems to settle in as I find myself stuck in my head as autopilot gets me inside.
"Hey, Love, I want to stay to make sure you're okay. Are you okay with that?"
Finally looking at Kalston, I can't muster anything more than a blank face and tone.
'Sometimes nothing is better than the worst.'
He deserves better...
'Than do better.'
I'm not sure if I can.
"I'll be okay. I just need some rest and I'll be better."
Please leave...
Please stay!
I just want this day to be over.
He looks at me softly, as if he's afraid to do or say the wrong thing. Like I'll snap back to the way I was and it will be his fault. I can see the pity underneath and hate myself even more for not being strong enough to do better. To be someone better who can handle themselves enough not to make others worry.
I'm sorry...
"I'd really rather stay. At least until Bailey gets home. I'll stay in the living room and let you sleep, I promise."
BAILEY! Shoot, she can't know!
My state snaps to slightly more feeling than before, and it takes him off guard.
"Please don't tell Bailey! You can't."
I take a breath to shift my tone into a softer one with the hope he'll keep his worry to himself and believe me enough that this isn't a matter that will arise again in a way that she needs to know about it.
"You can stay, that's fine, but please... don't tell her. She worries enough and if it gets bad enough, I'll tell her. Please..."
His jaw clenching for a moment with his eyes darting across my face, he lets go of his firm stance.
"Fine, but if things get worse, I'll have to tell her. If something happens to you because I didn't care enough to tell someone, I can't let that happen again. I..."
Again?
"I just care too much about you to lose you, Love. Even if you don't tell Bailey, you need to make sure nothing is wrong. Promise me you will get help when you need it and I'll promise not to tell her."
Realizing how much this must be bothering him, I don't know what's caused him this kind of pain before, but now I know I can't be the one to put him through it again.
'You have to keep it together!'
Lord, help me with this, please. Don't let me hurt him.
Wanting to grab his hand, for him to hold me, just wanting his touch, I can't push myself to make the step.
"Okay. I'm going to go ahead and take a nap now."
Kalston waits a moment longer, looking me over as if he's looking for any sign to tell if I'm about to break again or not. Then he finally turns to walk away.
Wait! Stay, please!
"Kalston..."
He turns back, waiting for me to continue on, but I can't push the words I want.
"Yes, Love?"
Just ask him. You know he'll stay if you ask. You have to ask, he's just trying to stick with your boundaries.
"... Thank you. For coming to get me."
Just ask! Seriously, ask him to stay!
He gives me a smile, one softer than usual, but his eyes stay with a bit of gloom to them.
"Anytime, Love. I'd do anything for you, even go through hell just to make sure you were safe."
He waits a second further before giving one last grin and leaving my room.
VOUS LISEZ
The Past Awakened (Distorted reality book 1)
Mystère / Thriller*Warning, topics of mental illness and trauma are brought up in this novel.* Living a calm life after years of struggling, Maddy meets two new gentlemen that shift things in her world. Issues she tried hard to put behind her begin to pop back into h...
