The Past Awakened (Distorted reality book 1)

Chapter 30- Is change even possible?

(Matts POV)

Opening up to Madison about my travels, I make sure to leave out the real reason for them. I did take photos on each trip so that in itself isn't a lie. Photography is a passion of mine. Capturing beauty that can cover up the ugly helps make the darkness not so suffocating. Something that now seems so insignificant compared to the light I've felt around her. Madison has become my sunshine. Something I didn't realize how much I desperately needed until getting to know her.

A trailer coming on the screen talking about an upcoming movie I couldn't care less about, I keep finding my focus on Madison. She's so close, it's hard not to be thinking about her and how much I want to touch her. How easy it would be to slip my fingers in between hers.

'She'll reject you.'

Maybe she won't.

"Matthias, you're going to hurt yourself. Get yourself together before you trip up. You can't afford to mess up."

She won't hurt me.

'And why is that? Because she's so perfect? If she really is, then she'll never accept you. Not with your history. How could someone so good see past that?'

Maybe if I change.

'Nothing you do will rectify what you've already done. People are defined by their past. It's what creates who they are in the present. No matter how much you try, you're stuck with who you are. There's no changing that Matthias.'

"So, why even try?"

Needing to clear my head, I get up to leave for a moment.

"Hey, are you okay?" Madison asks when noticing me about to leave.

I give her a smile before making up an excuse that isn't 'I'm a bit mad and need to breathe.'.

"Yeah, I'm just going to hit the restroom before the movie starts."

"Okay."

Soon enough, the fluorescent lights in the restroom are shining down on me as I stare into the mirror trying to catch my breath. I can't stare into my own eyes and haven't been able to for a while now. They're foreign to me at this point and a bit of a betrayal. They were the same as my mom's, and I hate having them stare back at the monster I've become.

'Some son you are, to pervert the things she taught you, she'd be ashamed of you.'

I can't even argue against that thought because it's true. I'm unable to pull out many memories of my mother, but the ones I can are filled with love and light.

Splashing water against my face once more, I pat it dry with a paper towel before making my way out of the restroom. It's on the way down the hall that I hear a faint cry. Looking around unable to spot anyone, I listen closely to find out where it's coming from and follow it. It's beside a cut out of some movie characters that I find a little boy roughly about five sitting and crying into his knees. His face is covered, so he doesn't notice me crouching in front of him. I lay a hand on his right shoulder to grab his attention

"Hey, little man."

Flinching at my touch, he looks up at me scared.

"It's okay. You can trust me."

"Yeah, sure he can. It's not like you used that line before hurting someone."

It's not the same.

'Sure it isn't.'

"I. I lost my mommy. Can you please help me find her?"

Giving him a sweet smile, I stand up and offer him help onto his feet.