An Act of... Love? [An Avengers Polyamorous Fanfic]

Chapter 73

            "Ugh!" I exclaimed as I threw one of my couch throw pillows across the room. 'Have a conversation about expectations' sounded so much easier than trying to figure out how to go about it. What did I even want out of these relationships? They've kind of just been happening at me, and I've just been letting them.

Sam was easy. I never even saw Sam, really. I was content to keep that the way it was for the time being. I didn't need to add more to my plate. Scott and I were friendly. We had started to bond a little bit and I enjoyed seeing him. Watching his face light up when he talked about his daughter always made my day. But I really didn't need to add him onto my plate as anything more than friends, either. I was in a similar position regarding Thor. I didn't see him too terribly much, and I would love to spend more time with him and get to know him, but it would probably be best to keep things at a friend level. But at the same time, I couldn't deny that Thor was extremely sexually appealing. I shook myself out of that thought and reminded myself that I already had so much going on. There was Bruce, too. Bruce and I were rather friendly, although I did happen to encounter him more as my doctor or as my boss. Another relationship that should be kept on cool.

Peter... the night previously I'll admit that I hadn't given much thought to Peter and I's relationship. In my mind he'd just been an awkward kid who was rather nice to be around. But then last night! The way he was talking to me, it definitely seemed like he was flirting! I had no idea how to deal with that, so I decided to push it off for another time. And then there was Clint. I didn't know Clint quite well... but there was definitely a tiny dose of sexual tension there, spurred on by Natasha. I decided it wouldn't be the worst thing to form a sexual relationship with Clint, if it so happened to occur, but that I likely wouldn't have the emotional capacity to form a romantic bond considering all of the other relationships I was entangled in.

So, I moved on to the more complicated relationships. The deeper relationships... the ones that were so real sometimes that they hurt. Beginning with Natasha. Nat and I spent a rather decent chunk of time together and she had been the first person to meet my friends just earlier this morning. Natasha was sweet and gentle, and a part of my heart completely melts for her. There is no universe in which I did not want to pursue a deep, romantic connection with Natasha.

Loki was very much a prevalent presence in my life. I knew he cared deeply for me, and he wanted to take care of me. I cared about him, too. He was always looking out for me, especially when I wasn't looking out for myself. He was becoming a steady constant in a life full of waves and uncertainty for me.

Buck and Steve were similar to Loki, in some ways. They were always looking out for me as well. But they had the added benefit of being nearby and so they had been there for me in a lot of rather difficult moments. I'd also say that they were more playful, in a way. I hadn't slept with either of them, but that certainly didn't mean I didn't want to. My relationship with those boys seemed to be the closest to conventional dating out of any of the relationships I had with the Avengers. I cared for them so deeply that sometimes it felt like they were carrying around a part of me that I didn't know was missing. Steve was a slow and steady kind of guy. I liked that about him. The dynamic between the three of us was good – and so were my individual relationships with either of them.

I sighed as I realized I was just evaluating how much I had on my plate – and it was a lot. And there was still more to go, too. My mind wandered to Tony next. Tony and I were all too similar. We were bad at taking care of ourselves, we both had the tendency to throw ourselves full force into work to the point the world around us would fade. Tony had begun opening up to me and I had the feeling that that didn't happen too often. Tony was also playful, albeit some of it was a façade he created as a wall to protect himself.

Then the twins... oh the twins. Pietro... Pietro knew a part of me that almost no one knew. He held certain understandings of me that no one else could. Pietro was walking around with pieces of me I had long buried and kept in the dark parts of my brain because they were too heavy to carry. But he took some of that burden from me. He listened and was attentive and cared. He nudged me to open up, so I didn't have to carry certain parts of me alone anymore. And I didn't. Pietro carried the burden with me, he lightened my load, even if all he really did was a bit of nudging and then listening. But Pietro also seemed to know when to pull back. He pushed just enough but he never went too far. He was always extremely gentle and careful, always making sure I knew that I didn't have to talk if I didn't wish to. I could probably get lost in Pietro's embrace for eternity, if given the chance.

And then there was Pietro's other half, my dearest Wanda. I didn't always know where Wanda and I stood with one another, to be honest. But I knew there was a connection and a draw there that certainly wasn't to be ignored. I cared about her. She obviously had access to parts of my brain that no one else did, even in times where I didn't really wish she did. Our powers sometimes felt like an invasion of privacy – but she was the only other person who could understand the burden of that, as well. It's not like we always wanted to be tuned into others, but sometimes, it's just how the cards fall. Wanda was the sweetest person – like honey, I couldn't help but think. Honey – her nickname for me. And then the nickname I formed for her, just last night – flower. Wanda was in some ways, rather fragile and sensitive, much like a flower could be. But she was also strong and resilient. It could be said that Wanda and I potentially had the most complicated relationship of all. There were so many little intricacies and details, and it could be so hard sometimes... but she was worth it. She would always be worth it.

I sighed as I realized that this landed me in the ballpark of at least seven romantic relationships without even touching on Stephen. I didn't even know what to think about Stephen and myself, honestly. He had this draw to him that I couldn't quite explain. Perhaps it was the magic, or his knowledge, I didn't know. But Stephen was infinitely intriguing to me. He had travelled across dimensions to find me. The very first thing he did for me was finding Aella's urn – he reunited me with my sister. And I kissed him when we were in Astraea's realm. When he found me... I hadn't given that any thought until now. It was effortless, like I had done it millions of times before. But I hadn't. I groaned again as I face planted into the couch cushions and willed all the thoughts to leave me for the time and to allow my brain some blissful emptiness.