Dreaming

Chapter 76

Y/N POV

You slept like shit. Most of the night spent on the couch.. you were in your head. You weren't thinking, which you think is a good thing. But the emptiness, the voiceless thoughts that were there were bothering you. You had no anxiety, no depression. But you felt that there was something really wrong. You're not used to just not thinking. Not being able to. Being at the hospital alone.. it helped. But now.. now you weren't too sure.

After your get together with everyone the night before, eventually you were able to make it back downstairs to the den. Everyone had decided to let you be, going to bed before you even realized it. Sejin stayed with you, sitting at the opposite end of the couch while you moved often, trying to do anything to get to sleep. Nothing was helping. Not counting sheep, not visualizing. Your head was too empty, too clear, and it was starting to bother you.

You see the early light of dawn break through the window, telling you that you had been up all night with no luck of actual rest. You didn't expect much to begin with, not until you could actually be out of the sling, but this was just ridiculous. You can't help but sigh, ignoring the way your stomach rumbles with hunger as you try to sit up a little bit.

"Do you think that writing would help?" Sejin asks, voice coming out almost too loud in the silence of the room.

You look over at him as you shake your head, "I honestly don't know what's going to help. I've had insomnia before, but that was before I didn't have anything in my head to even think. I don't have any running thoughts. My head is just.. it's empty. And nothing is helping to actually get me to sleep."

You see him nod as he faces you more, "You can't tell that your anxiety is up, can you?" He asks, "It has been since last night, since you were upstairs."

You shake your head, closing your eyes briefly before opening them again, "These meds are different." You answer, "I can't tell anything for myself right now, other than the fact that my head is too clear. It wasn't this bad in the hospital, but I guess now things are different." You say with a sigh.

"Do you need one of them?" He asks.

You shrug your good shoulder, "I honestly don't know." You answer softly, "I don't want to wake anyone up. I know that I can't seem to relax, but I don't exactly understand why."

"Y/N. You do realize that this is the first time that you've been with all of them in almost two weeks, right?"

You nod, "Yeah, I know."

"Then you must know that you're looking for comfort, which is probably why you're having a hard time falling asleep. I can see the bags under your eyes, Y/N. It's obvious that you're exhausted. Your body knows where your comfort is, but you don't want to get it. Why?"

"Because they're asleep." You answer.

He shakes his head, "You're really out of it. Namjoon has been awake all night too. You can't feel him right now, can you?"

You shake your head, trying to focus but only feeling waves of exhaustion. You thought it was yours, honestly, "I thought the exhaustion was me, to be honest."

He nods as he stands up, moving around the couch without another word. It's silent in the room again as you hear him walk up the stairs, honestly not helping the emptiness in your head. You sigh as you let your head fall to the back of the couch, eyes staying open as you start seeing different shapes form in the ceiling.

"Jesus." You mutter, bringing your head back up as you rub your face with one hand, "I must really be out of it to be seeing shit." You say under your breath.