Don't Leave Me Behind || Namjin AU

Chapter Seventy- Five. The Truth Untold

Warnings: mention of mental breakdown, depression, mental illness, etc.

A few more days passed by since Namjoon's and Yoongi's last heated argument. With the mist that cleared as the spring was about to come, things had been going smoothly since, which was surprising.

But maybe as Taehyung had said, the good times that'd passed by since the last fight were just pretended, everyone hiding their true broken selves and only showing their strong side.

Yoongi and Namjoon spoke since that day as if nothing had happened and their friendship was still smooth and just like it'd always been, a love-hate relationship. Though guilt ran in both of their minds when they smiled and teased one another as they recalled all the harsh they'd said to one another.

They really wanted to apologize to one another, but it was their ego that held them back. They never disclosed the truth about how hurt they were, and acted normal.

Namjoon managed to act strong and happy when he was with the others, but as soon as he was alone, he couldn't hold it any longer.

During the day, he'd take his medicines obediently and put his bottle on top of the fridge since Yoongi and the other boys still didn't completely trust him with them and wanted to keep the bottle in front of everyone's eyes. He'd pretend that he was slowly forgetting Jin and smiling at everyone, talking non-stop and even laughing, though inside, his heart ached most of the time with pain and guilt.

At night, he'd spill his tears onto his pillow and clamp his hand over his mouth so nobody heard his painful sobs, and he always cried himself to sleep every night thinking about Jin and missing him like he'd never done before, the sweet memories that they'd had all the years they spent together when he was alive haunting Namjoon all the time.

He couldn't forget his moon even for a single moment.

Namjoon started losing weight and sleep, the healthy image he could maintain while staying at the psychiatric center was slowly fading away, revealing the true image behind this mask. The dark circles under his eyes had become permanent, and his cheeks grew sunken, but despite everything he masked everything with a smile. He wanted everyone to see he was okay and not the ugly truth of his sorrow.

He tried to forget Jin everyday, actually putting a great effort. Forget him and just cherish him as a beautiful memory of the past. He tried to push him off his mind thinking he didn't really deserve him, and that was the reason Jin went away.

Still, every night, Namjoon found himself shedding tears and soaking his pillow, whispering, "But I still want you..."

Namjoon kept the hurting truth to himself, putting on his 'I'm all right and happy' mask every day in front of everyone, and revealing his real face only once he was alone at night, falling asleep with tear tracks on his face, clutching the locket he'd gifted Jin on his twentieth birthday in one hand, the other hand clasped around the moon pendant, the first gift he'd ever given Jin, under the name RM.

The only time he really was happy was the time he found out with the youngest two about how Hoseok had started dating Yoongi and Jimin. None of them found out until one morning, when Hoseok kissed both Yoongi and Jimin on the lips as he got ready to leave for work.

Apparently, the poly couple actually forgot to announce their relationship to the other boys, so they gave them quite a shock. However, when they recovered from it, they went forward to congratulate them with pure joy and affection.

Namjoon and Yoongi actually hugged one another and laughed genuinely as the younger teased the other, as if they'd not gotten engaged in a terrible fight just a few days ago. And this hurt both of them deep inside, because they were still too proud to own up and apologize.