Poetry of an Insecure Girl.

My Father

I know I put this one up but I'm saving room and moving it here.

My Father

He strings out the curse words and I never knew that many could fit in one sentence.

The venom in his voice stings.

The fire in his eyes frighten me.

The way he moves makes me jump away which only angers him morw.

I believe that he hates me.

I know he wants to hit me.

Mom told me he didn't want another child.

I was a mistake.

And he's a perfectionist.

It's like this all the time.

I'm crying and I wonder why today of all days did I have to put on make-up.

I try to the perfect child that he wants.

I try to live up to my brother.

They compare me to him all the time.

I can't breathe.

I feel like I'm going to puke.

I try to ignore him but it makes him hate me more.

I try to talk to him and he yells.

One day he is loving the next he's cussing.

I know it's the drugs but I can't help but feel like he truly hates me.

I can never do anything right in his eyes.

I cry I get yelled at, I'm silent I get yelled at to speak, I talk he yells for me to shut up.

I can't win for losing.

Lyrics to a song come to mind, some fit others don't.

She walks to school with the lunch she packed

Nobody knows what she's holding back...

I hold back all my tears.

The teacher wonders but she doesn't ask

It's hard to see the pain behind the mask

Everyone sees a happy girl that's secretly crying on the inside.

Bearing the burden of a secret storm

Sometimes she wishes she was never born

Or even dead.

Through the wind and the rain she stands hard as a stone

In a world that she can't rise above

But her dreams give her wings and she flies to a place

Where she's loved concrete angel

My only sanctuary is my imagination.

A phrase comes to mind.

Abuse isn't always physical.

song used: Concrete Angel by Martina McBride (I do not own)