Dear Matteo Collins,
First of all, before anything, it was never your fault. I want you to know that. Do not blame yourself for my selfish actions. You made my life worlds better, but sometimes, one person's love isn't enough.
I wanted to tell you everything but didn't want you to stop me, so I suppose a letter is enough. I know you must be thinking about how selfish and cruel I am for taking the easy way out. I'll be the first to say, I am. I know this is hurting you and your sister more than anything. I'm sorry.
Ever since I moved away from you and Faye, everything went downhill. My parents still haven't divorced after my long-awaited time and the sleepless nights of their endless fighting. Not always verbally. I would always hide in my room, covering Cody's ears, so that he wouldn't be exposed to our parents' toxicity.
I know I had yet to tell you about Cody, but if you knew about him, I'd feel the need to tell you more. So I couldn't.
Cody is my little brother. He's turning six in January. It kills me that I'm going to miss it, but tell him I said Happy Birthday if that isn't too much to ask. It's January 8th.
Anyway, soon after that, my parents became so consumed with their rage for each other that Cody and I became nothing. I the as working three jobs every hour of the daylight and covering Cody's ears every hour of the night.
I became so wrapped up in keeping Cody safe that I hadn't even seen the effect on me. I should've stayed strong for him but every thought and feeling consumed me. It ate me alive every waking moment. I wanted to keep my little brother safe but I was killing every part of myself in the process.
And then there was my baby.
One night, just one night, I took a night to myself, and, god, It was the worst decision I've ever made.
Her dad's name was Nathaniel. It was a girl. I found out I was pregnant a week later and I broke down. Cody found me hours later sobbing on the bathroom floor. He tried grabbing my hand to pull me to something. I already know what it was but my mother's blood on the floor still knocked the wind out of me.
Days after that, I was caring for my mother, Cody, the baby, my jobs, and never once about myself. I became neglectful of my needs.
One night, the screaming was so bad. I put some headphones on and jammed to music with Cody.
When he asked me why there was blood running down my leg, I froze.
I ignored it but every waking second after that I wanted to scream. We went to bed early that night because the cramps in my stomach became too unbearable to stand. I needed to go to the hospital but there was no chance with the warfare going on outside.
The next day I finally went. She was gone. I knew with everything in my body that this was natural and did nothing, but my brain knew. I killed her.
That was the night I started cutting. Every night after Cody went to sleep. I felt I needed to hurt the way my baby had hurt. I needed to hurt after killing her.
It wasn't until Faye noticed the scars on my wrist that I realized how obvious I was being.
So I moved to my thighs.
Once my parents finally separated, I'd never felt happier. We moved back here and I saw your family again. That bring me more joy than I'd felt in years.
But it wasn't enough.
Again, it was not your fault. If anything you prolonged it. If I hadn't seen you, I'd have been completely forgotten about by now.
Thank you for giving me the amazing time we had together and I hope to see you in another life.
Yours Truly,
Brielle
YOU ARE READING
Cover Girl
Teen Fiction"I had always fit into people's standards. Perfect. People don't tell you how much it sucks to be perfect. They expect happiness. They expect a put-together life, but my life was anything but happy and put-together. Some days were great, but mo...
