Cover Girl

𝗍һіr𝗍ᥡ-𝖿і᥎ᥱ - ᥱ𝗍һᥲᥒ

Ethan's POV

I hadn't expected Matteo to rush into my bedroom so unexpectedly. I don't even know how he knew about my breakdown.

Nevertheless, I took comfort in my best friend, holding onto him like my life depended on it. The last thing I wanted to do was pull away, but that probably seemed weird.

I obviously agreed to him prolonging his visit. I just wanted to feel the comfort and safety of his arms around me. I lay on his chest and sighed.

I shouldn't have been so jealous of Brielle. I shouldn't have been so angry at my best friend kissing his girlfriend.

I shouldn't like him the way I do. But I do.

I heard Matteo's breath even out and glanced up at his sleeping state.

I shouldn't have kissed him that day. It was the best and worst thing I've ever done. I could have lost him, but in the slim seconds he kissed me back, it was the best feeling in the world.

Believe me, I've spent every waking second thinking about that kiss. Thinking about why he even kissed me back. What he was thinking. Why he ran.

He ran because he doesn't like you back.

It was always those thoughts that brought me back to reality.

He has a girlfriend, but here I am still pining after him like I'll be able to have him in this life.

The amount of times I've wanted to shut him up just so I could look at him is uncanny.

Before Brielle, I always thought maybe, just maybe, I'd have a chance. When I saw them kissing, it brought me back from my deception. There was no chance that I could somehow get him to like me back.

That was what broke me.

Another slow-falling tear made an entrance down my cheek.

Sometimes I wonder what it would be like if I were normal. I wouldn't like my best friend and I could tease him about falling so hard for his girlfriend.

Instead, it made me sick.

Of course, I was happy seeing my best friend happy, but I was also breaking inside.

Whenever he mentioned her, I had to plaster a faux smile on my face and pat him on the back.

I just wanted sleep to overtake me, but for the past couple of days, it never had. Every since Halloween.

I swear I saw something. Even for a split second. It was something.  The glint in his eyes.  His muscles constricting.

There was something.

Then there was nothing.

Between all these moments and the kiss, it seemed like nothing else could occupy my mind anymore.

I looked up at the peaceful state Matteo was in. I studied every curve and feature and freckle on his face. I imagined his adorable dimples when he smiled, and the way his eyes lit up when something excites him.

I smiled sadly and laid my head back on his chest, hoping to finally catch some sleep in the comfort of his arms.

I was out within minutes.

**********
I shot up at the loud yell of my name. As soon as I was in a sitting position, I heard a loud thump and my head began to throb.

"Oh my god!" I screamed, fearing I'd hurt him. "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine." He told me.

He held his hand up for me to bring me up, which I took.  Before I knew it, I was sent to the ground on top of him.

I looked down into his eyes in shock.  His head lifted up and for a millisecond I thought. Hoped, he was going to kiss me. 

Instead, he whispered in my ear, "Payback," I sat for a couple of seconds in shock before hitting his chest and moving away from him.  He laughed and stood up.  I could tell he was about to leave.  I didn't want him to but refrained from any more embarrassment.

"Bye Matteo," I whispered. 

I couldn't even tell if he heard me until I heard the words, "Goodbye Ethan."  And then he vanished.

I stood up and walked to my bed.  I brought the pillow to my face and screamed as loud as I could. 

It was a scream of love and exhaustion and rage and confusion and curiosity and fear and hopelessness.  Every thought fighting to see which emotion will prevail.

I wasn't sure if I wanted to cry or punch the pillow or throw it against the wall or act like everything in fine and get ready.

Safe to say, I chose the last option.

************

I sat uncomfortably across from my best friend and his girlfriend.  I know i shouldn't have felt sick thinking about it, but I couldn't help it.

I've been sitting here invisibly watching them flirt for what seemed like hours. Every second dragged on and when the bell rang I was popping up from my seat.

"Blah blah blah okay? Blah blah blah quiet," Matteo had asked.  I nodded, not quite sure what he was really asking.  He seemed to accept the answer and we both made our way to the classroom

"Hey princess?" I began, questioning the timing of the name.

"Are you in love with her?" I sputtered out. I needed to know.

Please say no. Please say no. Please say no. Please say no.

"I'm not right now," my stomach flipped. There was a chance. A slim one but a chance nonetheless.

I need to stop. He is in a healthy relationship and I shouldn't ruin that for my irrelevant fantasies.

Shut up, my mind rebutted.

"but I could see myself falling in love with her," see, he's not the one for you. You need to suck it up and get on with your life. He is happy. He thinks you're happy. Don't ruin that.

"She's funny and sweet and everything I would look for in a girl.  I haven't been with her long enough to say I'm in love with her, but I'd say I'm pretty close."

He is in love. He doesn't know it but I know him. I know that smile. The smile he gets when talking about something he cares about. The smile is grown to love. The smile I'd prayed he'd have when talking about me, knowing I was giving myself false hope.

"You really like her, don't you," I whispered, too scared for the inevitable answer.

"I really do."

He really does.

QOTD: When you think of home, what do you think of?

Word Count: 1091