The Power Of Calmness

Chapter 56

QUESTIONS AND SOMEWHAT BONDING

"You never know the value of what you have until you lose them."

This simple yet heavy diction has been one of rethink and review for everyone, after a tiny or immense aftermath. As humans, we are all quick to reflect on the 'what ifs' of situations whenever we are faced with or dealt a harsh blow. The slightest or the littlest of things becomes the most importunate, the most wanted, the most sought and the most cherished but, it has become only a wish.

Mahmoud needed no soothsayer to tell him that he messed up big time because ever since he returned from Farouk's wedding, he has been zoning in and out of existence. After dropping off his parents at theirs, he ventured off to his crib with the intent of making the house look homey for the children before their visit but, could get nothing done. He couldn't think nor could he do anything straight. He managed to take a shower which lasted forever, got under the covers and prayed so dearly to drift into a deep slumber yet, the constant throbbing in his ears didn't let it happen.

'Babe?'  Bukar's endearment for her was now a mantra in his head. The way he holds her, cares for her, respects her, soothes her, reads her, all he couldn't do, spoke volumes.

He failed,
He had nothing to boast of asides his wealth.
He had no wife,
He has or had kids?
He knew not which tense to even use.
'He has kids he cannot have.'  Yes, that's how to put it.

Mahmoud was so deep in thoughts that, he began speaking to air. "Why are you even angry?" He chuckled, acridly. "Were you expecting she halted living because you wrecked her over? No, she was bound to move on. Are you surprised it is Bukar? Of course I am, I never saw it coming. Are you even a father to those kids? Biologically I am. Role-play, not even close." To each question, he gave an answer.

"I can't change the hands of time even if I want to. I thought I knew what loss felt like, not until I saw her his arm wrapped tenderly around her. I should have known better, I should have said and done better but even now, the hour is late. Of what essence is your being on earth Mahmoud? Any achievement or attainments to shower glories on?"

He was going into hysteria which wasn't a good one for him, being that he was diagnosed with major depression. If he was to take a pill or two from his antidepressants, it won't be enough to ease the heaviness and anxiety he was feeling. So, he opted for the one thing he knew brought him relief. He prayed and it did work because, he slept off right on the spot.

Dawn came early than it usually did, that time of the year when it was a longer day- shorter night experience. Mahmoud had things to fix and put in place before the kids arrival. Yes, you heard right. They were visiting in today and would be staying for three days like they said. He had to prepare their rooms and stock the house with food, do a bit of cleaning here and there prior to their advent.

Was he anxious? Yes
Was he scared? Affirmative
Will he scale through all of the feelings? Somehow, he had to.

The last he was in a closed compartment with them; he had beaten their mother into unconsciousness, which was also the last time they shared the same space because, he was vigorously warned to stay clear off them. Now, after years of not bonding or in the slightest a cordial communication, he was bound to fill stoked and wild as questions of how they'd feel about the whole meeting occupied his thoughts. He went all out to make sure they would be comfortable for the days they would be around and he quite got the part well. But, the bigger question here is, will all of that ease the painful memories their hearts withheld?

At exactly 2:00pm a horn blared from the gate "They are here." He muttered to himself, ever so tensed. Ever since he moved to this new place, he had no need for much hands around the house. He would cook and clean up after himself which was therapeutic for him like he would say. The only hand he employed was a gateman; who lived in the house. Instances whereby he goes on a trip, there will be someone to look after it before he returns so as not to make it look a lone home like the others.