Bound To Fall

Second Thoughts

Isabelle

I took in a deep breath as I looked around the bakery. It's still empty as I try to decide how I want to make this place my own. Sterling told me he'd like to have a few ideas that we can get started by the end of the week.

The only problem is, it's now Wednesday and I have yet to come up with a single one. The longer I'm here in the bakery, the more I feel the second thoughts creeping in about taking it. I know I should continue to push them away, but now that I'm not working they're creeping in and are harder to push away.

"Stop it." I told myself out loud in an attempt to get myself back on track.

I grabbed the notebook in my hand and the pen, looking around the room. I need to write down these changes before any pressure is put on me. If I don't, then I will risk getting overwhelmed and that could lead to some issues.

The first change I want to make is the wall color. I still want to go with a light blue on the walls but I want to add flowers spread around. Behind the counter would be the name of the bakery in a sign that's a dark blue tone.

That's another thing I have to figure out, a name. When it comes to my dream I've never thought of it getting this far. I figured that as long as I get the opportunity to bake somewhere, then I'd be happy. Now that I have my own and I need to call the shots, it's a lot more pressure than I expected.

I shook my head in an attempt to pull myself out of my thoughts. There's plenty of time to get this all figured out. I need to handle what I can control. Besides, as this place comes together a name will probably hit me out of nowhere.

I focused back on my list, writing down anything I'd like to add or change. I feel like white tables and chairs would help accentuate the color I'm picking on the walls. There's a cream color for the tiles already that I think I'd like to keep because they would also compliment the blue nicely.

My phone interrupts my writing and I set down the notebook. Grabbing the device out of my purse, I felt a hint of uneasiness in my chest as I noticed Sterling's name on the screen. I forced it away as I answered and brought the phone to my ear.

"Hey." I greeted him, forcing myself to fake a smile. "How are things at the office?"

"They're good." He responded. "How are things with the bakery coming along?"

The smile faded as I began to chew on my lower lip. The mixed feelings inside of me began to take over. The uneasiness and the guilt began to eat at me, this time they're impossible to ignore.

"Izzy?" He called out, pulling me out of my head.

"Sorry." I attempted to play it off as if there's nothing bugging me. "Things are coming along fine. Not a whole lot of progress but I am making some."

He sounded pleased as he responded. "Good."

"So, how are things with Killian and his new assistant?" I chose to change the subject before he has the chance to ask more bakery questions, I know if he continued to pry then he'd know something is off.

"Oh lord." Sterling let out a low breath. "For now, things seem fine. My father found a good fit, she has no interest in Killian. Not that it stops him from eyeing her, but at least he's been professional about it."

"That's good."

"I'm on my way to Dr. Dixon's right now." He informed me. "I just wanted to check in on you and see how you're doing."

"I'm good." My answer was short as I still attempted to not give anything away.

"Good." He replied. "I'm going to let you go, I'll see you later. I love you Sweetheart."

"I love you too."

The call disconnected and I set my phone down next to my purse. I'm alone again and the thoughts are still in full force. I hate that I feel this way, especially since this was only supposed to be a gift to me.

Instead I feel like I've just taken one of the biggest handouts of my life. This isn't a small gift that I can wear or use, this is a whole ass business. If I fail on this then it's like taking his gift and throwing it in the trash.

I feel myself getting worked up and overwhelmed. I feel anxious, I'm terrified to take such a big leap. At this point, I've even considered the idea of maybe even telling Sterling I changed my mind and he needs to use this space for something he knows will be successful.

Before I could let my thoughts run too wild, my phone began to ring again. I picked it up and noticed Sterling was calling again. My brows furrowed as I started to feel a little worried, either something has happened or he's forgotten to tell me something.

"Hello?" I spoke into the phone.

"Hey! I'm glad I was able to catch you." I could tell he was in a rush, but he doesn't sound like there's anything wrong. "Can you do me a favor?"

"Sure." I answered. "What is it?"

"My father is caught up in the office and I don't want to miss my appointment with Dr. Dixon." He started to explain. "Kaydence needs a few items from the store, if I send you a list will you be willing to grab them and take them to her?"

"Of course."

I'm more than happy to help Kaydence out. It'll help give me a moment to think about something else for a little while. Then maybe I can return to the bakery with a clear mindset and actually make a good push on what changes need to be done.

"You're the best Sweetheart, I'll send you the list now."

"Sounds good."

He told me he loved me again and then disconnected the call. A few moments later the list of items came through. I grabbed my things and headed out of the bakery, shutting the door behind me and locking it up.

I took a deep breath and let it out. Now that I'm not in there I feel a weight lifted off of me for now at least. I can tell it's going to take some time for me to get accustomed to this change in my life. Regardless, one day I will look back on this and feel ridiculous for all of the mixed feelings that are circulating.