~𝕥𝕙𝕖 𝕝𝕠𝕧𝕖 𝕓𝕖𝕙𝕚𝕟𝕕 𝕥𝕙𝕖 𝕟𝕚𝕘𝕙𝕥𝕞𝕒𝕣𝕖~

Relapsed

(TW: Drug use!!)

8th November 2018

Living with Ami had been... Stressful. She was doing better financially and she was really helping out, she had a job and was even going out and doing our shopping while we were at work. That wasn't the problem though. I knew she was still taking her meds because I watched her take them but something felt off, it was as if she was taking her meds but they weren't working. I didn't want to assume but the last time she was like this, she was using.

"I don't know Demi. It just feels like she's using again. I don't wanna assume but if she is we need to find out, and fast.." she grabbed my hand to stop me from picking at my skin. "Then we'll search her room, but you need to calm down before the stress overcomes your meds, I don't need you going manic on me." She replied, holding me closer to her chest, she was right, I did need to calm down, but it's easier said than done, I took a few deep breaths before heading to my sister's room.

On first glance it was just messy, her clothes everywhere since she hadn't really gotten the chance to clean up. I decided that I would clean up her seeing as though I would likely find something while organising the mess of a room that my sister lived in. After a while Demi came in to help me, I had barely made a dent in the surrounding mess on the floor. We searched and searched for what felt like forever and I honestly thought that I wouldn't find anything- "hey.. I got something." My girlfriend motioned for me to come over to her. She was holding on to a jewelry box "what's up with it?" I asked furrowing my brow at her, she shook her head, peeling away the small piece of cardboard placed at the back of it to reveal a small plastic bag with small round pills in it. I took the bag from her and upon closer inspection realised that what I was holding was ecstasy, my heart sank to the floor.
"Syd-" "I knew it." I grabbed a bag and began to throw everything I could see into it. Demi tried to stop me but I had snapped and yeah I didn't feel it but I was manic.

By the time my sister got home I had packed up half of her entire room. The door clicked and I stormed into the living room, pushing her back against the wall "you fucking crazy?!" "Syd! What are you on about?!" "YOU'RE TAKING FUCKING ECSTASY WHILE FIVE MONTHS FUCKING PREGNANT!" She hesitated, she had been figured out "i- I was gonna tell you.." "when? Huh? Before or after your fucking baby died?!" She was scared, And I had no remorse. "You're going to mom's" I said grabbing the bag and throwing it at her feet "Syd I don't think this is a good idea-" "Shut up Demi! You don't understand what is going on! You know my Terms Ami! You knew the consequences and yet you still went against my-" I took a breath in and immediately felt lightheaded, realising that Demi had put the sedative under my nose. She caught me as my body fell limp and my vision blurred until...

I woke up in a car, Demi's car. "Where are we going?" She continued driving "where you told me to take you if you were manic" I knew what she meant, she was taking me back to the mental hospital.  "No. No! Let me go!" I was trying my hardest to get out of the car, I knew I was hurting her, I could see it in her eyes, her tears So close to falling but she continued to drive. The more I kicked the closer I got to my escape and she knew she had to do something, her foot slammed the brakes on and she grabbed my shirt pulling me into a deep kiss. Before I could pull away the grip she had remained strong on my shirt as she slipped that small cloth under my nose again and I slowly blacked out. 

I woke in her arms, she was carrying me into a familiar building. I know I shouldn't but I was giving up on fighting her, it was ultimately my idea to have me brought here while I was manic.

I was sat in a conference room waiting for a nurse, demi stood outside, looking worried about me. A nurse and I'm guessing a practitioner walked into the room I was in after a few minutes. "Hello, Sydney. We were hoping we wouldn't have to see you here again. It's alright though-" I was tired of this bittersweet, passive aggressive bullshit, it's not what I wanted. "Yeah yeah. I know protocol and all just tell me what I gotta do to get out of here." I sighed leaning back in my chair. The nurse flicked through some files and shook her head "it's not that easy- you're manic, we need to keep you here for at least 72 hours to make sure you're not a danger to yourself or others" I stood up in annoyance "I'm not manic! Yeah I lashed out! Yeah I did some shit I regret! We all do! We're human" so tell me why I get treated differently because my meds were thrown out of balance!" I was so fed up that I was willing to do anything to get out of the situation I was in, but after making eye contact with her, and seeing the pain in her eyes, I knew that staying here would benefit her more than me.

I huffed, sitting back in my chair "fine. I'll stay. But this is bullshit." The nurse smiled and pulled out the forms "sign the admission forms and we'll take you to a room" I looked at my girlfriend as I was taken out of the room towards the ward. "Wait-" she grabbed my hand and looked directly at me, placing her forehead against mine "I love you. So much. I'm sorry, I promise you'll be okay." She pulled away with tears in her eyes and watched as I was taken away. These next few days would be hard, but at least I'd get to see vixen again...