I Didn't Know • Tomboo •

• Chapter 20 •

Tommy POV

"Let's just go home guys. C'mon Ranboo, let's get in the car." Bill said hugging Ranboo.

Ranboo hugged him crying, then they began walking off to the other car.

I wiped my face, "Ran! I'm so sor-"

Aimsey side hugged me, "It's better you go seperate, Tommy. Let Ranboo breath for a minute. He's gonna lose his memories. So, let him try and get a grip on the situation."

I pulled away, "I just wanna hug him."

I ran after him and pushed my way between Bill and Ranboo. I hugged Ranboo's side, "I'm sorry Ranboo. I- I failed you!"

He hugged me tightly, "No, I failed us. We both did, really. I really wanted it to be us, Tommy. I'm so sorry it won't be."

"I don't want to see you with anyone else! I want you to be with me! Ranboo! Y- You're my allium!" I cried.

"You're my allium, Tommy." He kissed my head, "Always."

"Can I sit with you?" I sniffled looking up at him.

He smiled through his tears and nodded, "Ofcourse."

We got in the car and sat in the back holding one another in tears. Bill closed our door and went to the driver's seat. Then he silently drove us back.

• Time Skip •

We got back and we'd stopped our crying. It was now just sniffles as we held hands in the backseat of the car. Bill drove down the street slowly getting closer to Tubbo's streaming house.

I sniffled and grabbed Ranboo's left wrist. I rolled down his bracelet and my breath hitched, "I swear I love you."

"Tommy- don't." He gulped, "We weren't what you think, okay?..."

"I know Ran. And- I'm sorry." I teared up then cupped his face.

He winced pulling away. He grabbed his wrist and breathed heavily. I frowned, "I'm sor- wait. Did you just wince from the- left wrist?"

"Uh...yeah?" He answered.

My eyes widened and I grabbed his wrist. I removed his hand and saw a faint outline of an allium tattoo. I gasped, "Oh my fuck-"

"Wh- What?- Ho-"

"Just let me communicate- I've been facing internalized homophobia on my own and it's making things complicated. I think I'm confusing our marks with something else. I apologize Ran. I should've voiced my end of it to you." I said now holding his face in my hands.

He was light pink. I scooted closer, "Anything you wanna voice to me?..."

He cleared his throat, "I love you. But I'm afraid of hurting you...I just don't want to overwhelm you or ever push you out of your comfort zone. I'm happy now though- that you're communicating with me. Maybe uh-....there's still hope?"

"There's a lot of hope Ran....." I told him then held his hand.

I heard a wince- Ranboo and I looked to the driver's seat where Bill held onto his arm.

"Bill?" Ranboo asked.

"You two aren't gonna ask how I might feel about this?...Sure you want each other, but I'm gonna be the one left with the grey mark now. Thanks a lot- friends." He said calmly and then got out of the car.

Ranboo winced from his right and I frowned, "I'm sorry you have to choose. I- I won't influence your decision any longer. I uh- I love you though, Ran."

I got out of the car and wiped my face as I walk over to the others.

I shouldn't have ever thought of us even possibly being romantic. Because it seemed the second I tried to be flirty and romantic with Ranboo- Everything went to complete shit.

I mean c'mon. I insisted on sharing an ice cream with him, breaking off from the group on our own, I flirted with him, called him hot, held his hand, and even got really close to his face.

In the car ride before, all I had thought of was how maybe, everything was going wrong because I was wrong. That maybe we really weren't platonic after all, but actually romantic as Tubbo had thought.

So ultimately, I had made it my goal to try and be more romantic with Ranboo while we were there. But then-

Everything just went wrong. Y'know, for a split second I'd thought- Maybe a romantic relationship with Ranboo wouldn't be all that bad! I was almost ready.....And then...

All of a sudden the mark is gone.?!

I should never have thought of Ranboo as anything but a platonic soulmate. God I'm so stupid! I questioned myself for nothing, and all my efforts in getting him to like me- were for nothing. Exploring my sexuality was so idiotic of me! Because I'm straight. And questioning myself just ruined everything that was good.

Gosh. Why am I so fucking complicated?

I'm a horrible soulmate. I don't deserve to be happy. I don't deserve the good fortune of fans and fame. I don't deserve the friends I have, and I definitely don't deserve him. He's my everything.

And now he has to make a choice between two people. Fuck. I wouldn't be surprised if he chose Bill.

Cause I'm so fucking inconsiderate. I'm so self centered, and selfish. I wanted to be romantic for just a moment, without consulting Ranboo first.

He deserves so much more than me.

Tubbo would've been great, but he got Billzo. And y'know what? Bill can treat him way better than I ever could.

So be happy Ranboo.

I won't try and 'influence' any longer- Not at all.

Ranboo POV

Why do I have to make a choice?

I want Tommy.

But Bill is the easy choice.

My best friend from online. The one person I knew I could always go to, to feel safe and supported by. Bill would never hurt me, and I know he'd love me despite anything. Wether our mark turns out to be romantic or platonic, Bill will rise up to the challenge just to keep me as a soulmate. He's the clearest and safest choice. The best- choice.

So why is it so hard to pick him?

Because deep down I know- All I want is that silly little blonde boy. I want to be his soulmate, and I wanna love him romantically. I know Tommy cares about me too, and I want to help him with his internalized homophobia. Be there with him every step of the way. I know that things will be tough and not always easy, but I'm willing to go through all of that, if it means Tommy's mine. I love him more than anything...and I can't change my own mind or heart. I guess the heart wants what the heart wants.

And sorry Billzo, but-

My heart wants Tommyinnit.

...

Only thing is-

What does Tommy want?....

1,130 words
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