Catastrophically Carla (Lesbian Story)

Entry Six: 2/2

So, Chris, my new friend I told you about last Wednesday has actually stuck around until now. Like, he actually came over today (Friday) which was, number one, unexpected because, once again: I actually have a friend. And two, perfect because Angie and Jo aren't even home. They went out for their stupid bowling night they do some weekends. They asked me if I wanted to come. Do they even know me? I can't be caught dead with them together in public. People would just be staring at us and giving us disapproving looks. Go to hell!

So I was home, bored, and thinking of Chris so I called hi because, yes, I have his fucking number!!! He came over, and, trust me, it was hard to ask him to do that. I wanted him over so we could just hang out but I was also really scared because even though he knows about my moms (you don't live in the area as me and not know), I wasn't sure I was ready to face the rejection once he came and saw all the cute family pictures of a daughter and two mothers.

But he came and we watched a movie. I've never entertained a guest, my own guest, in our house, so it was exciting for me. Stupid, I know, but it meant and still means, the world to me.

We talked about why he moved here. He said he wasn't really sure, that maybe they just needed a fresh start, something new. He said Maine was too cold and secluded and they wanted to feel part of a community or whatever. Then he asked me to tell him something about myself. I was like, about me? It's pretty surface. I'm a loser with no life.

But I talked anyway. I told him about my moms but then I asked him he's still with a freak like me. He's seriously on a suicide mission hanging out with me. He a really cute guy in high school. He should be talking to girls and going to parties with his guys.

OMG. I though I died when Mrs. Long asked the class who didn't have a partner. I died when Chris smiled and tucked my hair behind my ear and told me he doesn't care what other people think.

Okay, maybe he was bullied back in Maine and he's used to negativity. But then he said he wasn't I was like, boy, you're mental.

Then I asked him again why the hell he wanted to be my friend (we were sitting close to each other on the couch! <3) and Chris just looked me in the eyes, holding both of my hands, and something like, "You really need to stop beating yourself up, Carla."

I swear my heart was pounding. He could probably hear it! Never had i ever felt the way I did with Connor.

I started being a big baby and ranted on about how before he came I had no friends and how I'm a loser. Chris cupped my face (He touched my face!!!) and I wanted to kiss him so badly. But what I know about kissing? Or b The Chris said something about how he can't get me out of his head and I almost laughed then cried-no, I actually did cry. A week ago I sat by myself at lunch or skipped it all together. I had no one to talk to to except a woman that can be my aunt, and I was constantly getting bullied and tormented and harassed. To this day, I'm still getting harassed, no doubt about it, but now I have someone to turn to. At first I was scared and reluctant. Just waiting for the cameras to pop out of nowhere and I planned crowd to gather around me laughing about how I actually thought I was capable of friendship and anything sweet. But I feel something when I'm with Chris. A sense of belonging. He's so sweet and kind, and funny and he doesn't judge me at all. In fact, he even stands up for me, something Sarah never did.

I don't know. This might not last. It probably won't. Chris might seems all confident and self-assured right now, but eventually he's going to be on the other side, pointing fingers at me, slamming my books down, pulling my hair. Calling me names.

But I've convinced myself that it's worth living in the moment. I hope. I don't want the heartbreak to officially kill me, or maybe I do...

EPPPP! I am so happy right nowwww!!!