Amber & Honey ~ [DR3]

14. Preoccupied

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Hear me out with this one...

"I can't take all the ways that she might touch you, 'cause it plays in my mind like I rehearsed it..." - Fair, Normani

It took a twenty minute shower to cool off from my make out session with Daniel. And I mean that. Twenty whole minutes, with tepid water dripping against my face and pounding against my shoulders as I stood with nothing but my thoughts. Even then, embarrassment is still now staining my cheeks. I feel all hot and uncentered, like I've been tilted off my axis and everything is just...confused. If I close my eyes for too long the whole thing flashes through my mind too. Daniel's lips against mine, his body on mine, his eyes hot as they roam over my body. If I really think about it, the ghost of his lips dances across my jaw, kissing, licking and nipping at the skin there.

I'm never going to sleep tonight.

Maybe I've overreacted. Maybe it's not as dramatic as I've played it out to be. But it shouldn't have happened, not when and where it did. Plus, I was in no way a fan of how cheap the whole thing made me feel.

Michael apologised for interrupting after I left the room, the embarrassment was enough to make me want to cry. I certainly had tears in my eyes. He supposedly assumed that Daniel would've scared me off before the time he walked in. I think he was a little embarrassed about the whole thing too. I only nodded, sniffling to myself whilst trying to find a ride back to the hotel. I made excuses to Lando about a headache (via text) promising to rest in preparation for this evening.

This evening being the team dinner which is occurring in the hotel restaurant downstairs in twenty minutes. The team dinner thrown in Lando's honour which Daniel us expected to be at. I feel sick at the thought of it, but if I don't go it'll only turn into something bigger. That's something I really don't have the energy for.

I smooth over my outfit in front of the mirror. The mess in my mind considered, I think I look good - or as good as I could look. It's a simple black dress which reaches my knee, paired with a green blazer and heels. It's all I could think to wear, my head scrambled with thoughts of Daniel pushing me onto the table to think of pairing clothes together from my suitcase. I need to remember to buy and bring along more clothing in team colours.

Truthfully I really can't be bothered for this dinner. All I really want to do is curl up in bed and watch Netflix or maybe talk to Lilly and see if she can unpick the mess that's in my mind. Instead, I'm forcing myself out of the hotel room door when Lando texts that he's downstairs waiting for me trying my best to ignore the sickness lying on my stomach. I appreciate that even though he knows everyone here he always waits for me and makes sure I'm settled without leaving me lonely.

The wait for the elevator feels like years and then the ride down even longer. As the lift slides down the floors I take a deep breath, calming myself as I grasp onto my small black clutch firmly. "Calm down." The hushed instruction/warning to myself is clear as I play with the ends of my dark hair. I should have curled it, it would stop me from grasping onto it so often with nerves.

Daniel and I haven't had a chance to speak about earlier, but there'll be plenty of other people I can talk to. Avoidance is key here. Daniel isn't stupid, he knows that there's a time and a place to talk about what happened earlier. That time and place is not at a dinner table with his colleagues and my brother. Thinking of the situation is making me want to throw up with the wave of anxiety it brings.

Did he really crash because of me?! The guilt of that is eating me alive. I really should've just said I'm too sick to attend. I'm not in any mind frame to be here.