Safety Net {l.r.h}

40) Pillow Talk

LUKE HEMMINGS

"You know, we don't have to go see my parents at all for Thanksgiving," I heard from the opposite of me. Instantly, my eyes shot up from my laptop to my girlfriend who sat there, staring at her computer screen with her lips tucked to the side. I frowned, letting my head fall back against the bookshelf.

We had gotten permission to go to the library from our Psych professor to do our project and were sandwiched between two bookshelves, shielded away from everyone else.

I knocked my outstretched legs into hers lightly, "why do you say that?"

She shrugs, "I just don't want to go."

"You can talk to me," I say quietly. Her eyes flicker up to meet mine and a small breath leaves her lips.

"This project is kind of ironic, huh?" She asked lightheartedly. I look down at our presentation slides, seeing the title. It kind of upset me that she didn't have a good relationship with her parents.

Frowning, I shut my laptop and laid my hands over it, "why don't you have a good relationship with your parents, El?"

"Here we go," she sighs, "alright so I should probably let you know now that I have a brother." I quirk up an eyebrow. She has never mentioned any siblings at all. This must be worse than I was expecting. "Um... I don't really know where to start to be honest."

Deciding to help her out, I spoke up, "how about from the beginning; when you were a kid?" A stern nod is sent my way as she picks at the turquoise polish on her nails. I suppose I hadn't noticed that before.

"I think everything was fairly normal when I was in elementary school," she says, "I'll admit, I was a stubborn brat of a kid-"

"-still are," I add in order to lighten the mood a little bit. Her words are caught in her throat as she looks up at me again, biting back a smile, her eyes narrowing ever so slightly. Feeling satisfied with her reaction, I allow her to go on.

"I guess I got the normal number of time-outs proven necessary, but my parents always favored my brother more than me. In every way possible. I'd get in trouble, and it was always 'you should learn from Will, he never gets in trouble,' and never asking why I acted out the way I did. I'd go to school and hit other kids and knock my paints on the floor in art class- I didn't know why I did for the longest time," she inhales a deep breath, "but after a few years, it was because all I ever wanted was the attention I never got. The love I never felt."

My heart constricts at her words, and suddenly there's a lump in my throat. I'm not about to fucking cry; oh hell no. Quickly averting my eyes to the ceiling light above us, I allowed the salty liquid to seep back into my eyes without letting Ellie see me.

"This was a constant thing in my childhood; never feeling good enough. My parents were just okay when I was a kid, but once I got older, it got worse." Her teeth clamped down on the inside of her cheek, and I noticed her chest heaving a little more than it was when she began speaking. "Will was four years older than me, so he was obviously focused on more since he was starting high school and experiencing different things. All at once, it seemed like my parents just put me on the back burner. I probably heard them tell me they loved me twice when I was fifteen, and it was only because we were in front of family. I cherished those moments with everything in me though." I so badly wanted to grab her by her face and pepper kisses all over her face to take away the hurt, but she has yet to finish her story.

"They eventually started forgetting to pick me up from school once it got out, so I'd have to walk back home even if it were raining. Sometimes it would snow, and I'd get a ride home from one of my classmates that could drive before me. Once I turned 16, I pushed my parents into getting my license and finally did."