EYES LIKE RAZORS

(106) Johns Funeral

"Death is not an option," Madison whispers to herself, smacking her head with her hand, "you cannot die. You will not leave them again."

"Why are you hitting yourself?" Edmund asks, leaning against the doorframe of her bedroom.

"... for fun?" Madison replies, dropping her hand, placing it firmly against her thigh trying to get it to stop shaking.

"Mads? What's happening?" Edmund queries, "nothing, I'm fine." Madison responds.

Eddie steps inside the room, closing the door, "Mads... talk to me," he pleads, as he comes to sit beside her on the bed.

"Talk to you?" Madison says, "Ed... I can't tell who's fucking talking."

"Who?"

"Me or my fucking head." Madison tells him begrudgingly, going to whack the side of her head with her hand, but Eddie stops her.

"Voices?" Eddie asks, "what're they saying?"

"Just one voice," Madi admits, "my own. I'm telling myself to kill everyone, or kill myself."

Eddie sighs, wrapping an arm round her shoulders.

"I'm trying to fight it, Ed. I am. I promise." Madison says, hugging him tightly. "I know you are, I know, Mads." Eddie replies. "I don't wanna die," Madison tells him, her eyes becoming filled with tears.

"You're not going to. You're not going to die." Edmund states.

"There are some moments, I... I succumb to it, I believe what it is telling me is true." Madison admits, "and those moments scare me. Eddie I'm scared of myself. I.. I can't even control my fucking head."

"Mads, you can fight it. Okay? You can. I know I'm not inside your head but I'll try and help. But you can fight it. You're stronger than it." Edmund says, "you're stronger than fucking anyone and you have a reason to beat it."

"It's torture, Ed." Madi whispers.

"I can't even fucking imagine what it's like," Eddie sighs, "but you're not alone."

"I know," Madison retorts, pointing to her head. "Not what I meant." Eddie groans.

"You are Madison fucking Shelby." Edmund states, "if anyone can defeat it, it will be you."

"Am I her?" Madi queries, "I don't even fucking know anymore."

"You'll be okay. I'll make sure you're okay." Edmund says, "have you told Chloe?"

"No... what am I meant to say? Hey, I love you, also I hear voices in my head telling me you hate me and I'd be better off dead?" Madison retorts.

"Well maybe not in that tone." Ashton inputs, from where he had appeared in the doorway, "everyone here needs to get better at gossiping, and watching that the door stays shut."

"We're not gossiping." Edmund says, as Ashton shuts the door, walking to sit the other side of Madison.

"I don't hate you... just incase it's ever told you that." Ashton says, poking her forehead.

"The fuck are you doing?" Edmund asks.

"I don't know- I got told to get you because the funeral is about to start. But then I heard this conversation and decided it was more important." Ashton shrugs.

"The funeral? Fuck. We need to go." Madison says, pushing herself off of the bed.

-

"This is how John wanted to go." Tommy speaks, as he stood in front of his younger brothers wagon, "on the smoke. But the truth is , we died together once before. Arthur, me...Danny Whizzbang, Freddie Thorne, Jeremiah and John."