Y/N and Michael have known each other since 1996 when they were just five years old and as they grew up together they were inseparable. They eventually graduated high school and chose two different paths. Y/N went away to Spelman college in Atlanta...
Y/N was laying on my chest as I wanted to talk to her about something. Lately she's been a little standoffish and I just wanted to make sure she was okay. I know Y/N it's very independent and that's because of the things she's seen growing up along with things that has happened but I wanted to help her as much as I could just like she's there for everyone else. Y/N was always the type too give and help out but when it comes to her she'll suffer in silence and you either won't know something happened or she'll tell you way down the line after it happened.
I noticed when I try to be affectionate at time she'll receive it but then at times she'll pull away and try and dodge it. I wanted to make sure that if we were in this that we're in it together. She is my best friend first and foremost so I wanted to make sure she's good.
"Babe" I started off "hmm?" She hummed on her phone scrolling through Instagram. She then liked a picture that caught my eye.
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"Who are they?" I asked "they're so cute aren't they?" She started off "it's Ayanna, Brandon and my God daughter Amari." She answered as I smiled. "I didn't you know they had a kid better yet I didn't know you were a God mother" I said as she giggled. "Yeah I be at all the kiddy functions" She brought up as I chuckled "eating all the damn pizza" I joked as she hit my chest playfully. "Don't let it be Chuck E. Cheese's pizza" She warned as we shared a small laugh.
"What you wanted to talk about?" She asked placing the picture on her Instagram story then clicked the "Sleep/Wake button on her phone. We both sat up as she had the covers wrapped around her top and looked over at me. "How have you been?" I asked as she smiled. "I'm good" She admitted. "I mean honestly" I started off. "Because after your birthday I didn't hear from you as much and you know I know you like the back of my hand so I know when something's going on with you" I explained as she looked down.
"I remember being told whatever the hell you need to get you out of this funk I will help you with. If you need to get out of your house you can stay at mine, if you need me to pray with you I will." I started off as I grabbed her hand and she was getting ready to pull her hand away but stopped herself. "But you need to get out of this state of mind because it's affecting me." I admitted as she closed her eyes. "That's the last thing I wanted" She said as a tear fell from her eyes.
"What's going on?" I asked as she tried not to cry but tears fell anyway. I rubbed her back and brought her into me. "Y/N it's okay for you to cry and it's okay for you to talk to me" I started off as she nodded. "I was here before to talk to you and be here for you and I'll be here while you're my girlfriend too Nothing has changed" I assured as she nodded and I kissed her head.
"What's going on?" I asked as she sat up to look at me. "Sometimes I feel like I'm broken with the things that I've been through and in the back of my head I'm afraid of hurting you with my brokenness" She admitted as I looked at her. "I don't mean to be standoffish or to pull away when there's affection. It's just scares me and I don't know how to react to it because I haven't truly felt it with any man but you" she explained.
"It's not intentionally and I'm not talking about hurting you in the way of cheating because I love you too much to even do that but me not meeting the expectations of a woman you deserve" she said as I seen tears fall from her eyes. "At times I feel like maybe Lori was better for you-" She started off as I shook my head and she looked at me. "I don't think you realize how much love you generate, how much I love being around you, how much other people love being around you. I know that you maybe a little less affectionate than me but that's not going to make me leave and go to Lori or anybody else " I started off.
"I've literally went through the most detrimental time of my life that I can recall and who was the first person there? It wasn't Lori nor any of my exes. It was you" I explained. "And you're afraid I'm going to believe that you don't love me?!" I asked in all seriousness. "Y/N you did that whether it meant our friendship or not. You created a space for me to open up, cry and be comforted and if that isn't love I don't know what is" I expressed as she faintly smiled.
"The only thing that affects me with this is you taking this on by yourself when you shouldn't have too" I said as she wiped her tears away. "I know I'm just your boyfriend and not your husband but we've known each other since we were kids. If something is going on with you I want to know exactly what it is so I can be there for you." I expressed.
"I know you've seen your parents and their relationship growing up and everything that ended up happening after your father left. But you can't keep being in everyone's corner but you suffer in silence when it comes to yourself because you think you can handle it." I said as she just looked at me. "I love you too much to sit there and have you take this on by yourself" I expressed looking her in her eyes as tears started falling from hers.
"I love you too Michael and I'm so sorry" she apologized as we hugged. "Stop apologizing for something that's not intentional. It's a defense mechanism you picked up. I'm not upset baby girl" I assured rubbing her back. "It gets so tiring being this strong black woman and they teach it so heavily to society and black little girls not knowing it's a huge detriment to us" I heard Y/N say. "I've watched you over the years from when we were kids up until now and you grew up way too fast" I admitted. "And I'm not talking about the way you dressed and looked I'm talking about you making sure everyone got, everyone was okay when that's not your job as a kid. You set high expectations for yourself, you didn't want to make any mistakes because you wanted to be okay" I explained
"I thought me leaving to go to Atlanta for school would be my outlet but all it did was add other things that I took on that I didn't need to take on" She admitted. "It's okay to ask for help, it's okay to not push people away, and it's especially okay to let people be there for you" I assured. "Have you thought about going to talk to someone?" I asked.
"I actually had my first session this morning and she's saying the same things You're saying" Y/N informed as I smiled some then I came up with an idea. "Since I'm back home for good, every Saturday morning let's go for walks, we'll talk, you clear your head I can clear mine." I suggested as we shared a smile. "Yeah, I like that" she agreed as I just smiled and kissed her head. "You're going to be okay" I assured rubbing her back.
