Infinity (ENGLISH VERSION)

Chapter 95

Today was Friday and Ruby was supposed to join us tomorrow night if nothing else happened this time.
I was more than happy to finally see her again and hear about her news.

The goodbye party at the lake was really nice and it helped Mason and I look forward.
I was finally able to get back to my normal life without rotting in my room from sadness.

Mason's eyes sparkled again when he looked at me, but he was distant.
Like he couldn't forget everything that had happened to us.
I'll never forget it either, but I can't wait for all the stuff that happened to destroy the relationship with Mason and me.

Ruby would only stay with us for 3 days, so I cleaned the whole apartment until everything was shiny.
I really hoped Ruby wouldn't bring up the Hope thing because even though I'm done with it, the wound in my heart still hurts when I think about it.

As I finished putting the apartment in order, I heard the front door open and Mason come in afterwards.

,,Hey." I greeted him cheerfully.

He nodded in greeting.
Okay, that was weird.
Why was he in such a bad mood?

I went over to give him a kiss, but he turned his head slightly to the side so I hit his cheek instead of his mouth.

,,Are you okay?" I asked.

,,Mm," he mumbled.

I frowned, not understanding his behavior.
What is wrong with him? Yesterday he had organized the most beautiful funeral service imaginable and today he hardly speaks to me.

,,Why does the apartment look so clean?" he asked, annoyed.

I know that Mason.
This is the Mason who is out for a fight and all I have to do is say one wrong word until the bomb goes off.
Why the hell is he picking a fight?

,,Well, because Ruby is coming tomorrow and the apartment has to be clean," I said with a weak smile.

,,What? Ruby is coming here tomorrow and you don't think it's necessary to tell me?" he asked angrily.

,,I've told you about a hundred times, but apparently you don't listen to me," I hissed.

,,I don't always have a clear head because, as you know, our life has been pretty fucked up lately," he said.

,,I understand that, but why is it a problem that Ruby is coming to us tomorrow after almost 1/2 months?"

,,It's not a problem," he hissed.

,,Then why are we fighting?" I asked.

,,We're not fighting," he said.

,,But that's exactly what we are doing," I said.

,,Oh, I don't know either." he admitted and sat down on the couch.

I sighed and sat down next to him on the couch.
He lowered his eyes.

,,What's wrong?" I asked while taking his hand.

He looked up at me, but immediately lowered his gaze again.

,,Look at me," I asked.

,,I can't." he breathed.

,,What? Of course you can," I said.

,,No Britney, you don't understand, I can't look at you," he said.

,,What do you mean?" I asked as I pulled my hand away.

He seemed sad that I pulled my hand away, but he quickly regained his composure.

,,When I look at you, I see Hope." he admitted.

My chest tightened.

,,W-what?" I stammered.

,,Damn, when I look at you, I see Hope and I think about how I'll never hold her.
I think about all we've been through and how much I love you," he said, sounding relieved to finally be rid of it all.

,,And?" I asked nervously.

,,And I'm thinking if it's really worth it to feel so much pain just because I love you," he said and my heart broke into a thousand pieces.

Tears came to my eyes and Mason tried to take my hand, but I pulled it away.

,,What does that mean?" I asked with a trembling voice.

,,I think that so much pain that we both go through is not worth it for a relationship," he admitted. he admitted and I could see how hard it was for him.

I was so hot I felt like my body was on fire and I could feel the hot tears running down my cheeks.

,,Say it." I breathed.

I wanted to hear it from him, no matter how much it was tearing me apart.
He looked me in the eye and I could see the pain and despair in his eyes.

,,Britney white, I love you, but I think we need a break," he said and I burst into tears.

,,No...no...no don't do this to me," I pleaded as I snuggled against his chest.

I want it even less than you do, but we have to do it baby," he said.

,,No." I breathed.

,,We are both tired and we need to take a break," he said.

,,Please don't leave me," I sobbed.

,,I won't, but we just need a break," he said.

,,You are a selfish person!
You can't make me fall in love with you and not be able to live without you and then leave me!" I yelled.

,,But I'm not doing that."

,,We will make it, I promise you.
Yes, we had a difficult phase, but it is over now and we can start anew.
I will do everything to make it work with us, but please don't leave me," I begged on my knees.

,,Get up," he begged as he gently pulled me back up.

,,You know it won't work," he said.

I know it.
He knows it.
The whole world knows, but I can't live without him.

,,Yes, I will, but please... please don't go," I sobbed.

,,Okay," he breathed on my face as he wiped away my tears.

,,Okay?" I asked.

,,We are both bad for each other and you know that, but I also know that as long as you want me with you, I will be there," he said.

I hugged him and he stroked my head while I sought shelter in his arms.
Mason was always the person I felt safe with, but this time his arms were not comforting.

,,Don't leave me." I breathed.

,,If that's what you want, I won't," he said.

,,Yes, that's what I want," I said.

My answer didn't sound a bit convincing.
I do want him to stay with me, am I right?
Why do I even doubt it and why does the embrace of the love of my life no longer give me comfort?

I had noticed that Mason hadn't looked at me the way he used to for ages, but I had never noticed that I didn't look at him the way I used to either.