Infinity (ENGLISH VERSION)

Chapter 84

Someone shook me awake again after a long time.

,,Miss, are you okay?" the nurse asked me.

Phew, it was just a nightmare.

,,Yes, I just had a bad dream," I explained.

,,I see, do you remember anything?" she asked.

,,No, what happened?" I asked.

,,Well, you fainted twice today when I told you that you were my brother-in-law," she said, and my heart stopped.

Damn it!

It was not a dream after all.

,,W-what? So it wasn't a dream?" I asked.

,,No, Miss White, you are 8 weeks pregnant," she explained.

That can't be.
I'm not pregnant, I can't be.
I am only 20.

Mason and I have always been careful.
Well, most of the time.
Quite often.
It's okay, we never paid attention!

,,That can't be true," I said.

,,Ma'am, do you want me to call someone?" she asked sensitively.

,,No," I answered thoughtfully.

I couldn't tell anyone.
I got up from the bed and got dressed.

,,You'd better not go home alone in this condition," she said.

,,I'll be fine," I mumbled.

,,Your next appointment is in exactly one week.
Please refrain from alcohol or cigarettes and try to drink plenty of water.
Because of the nausea tomorrow, we prescribed you pills," she explained.

I was frozen and couldn't say anything, so I just walked out the door and ran out of the hospital.
I got into a cab and he drove off.

,,Where are we going?" the old man asked me.

,,To the forest near the apartments," I said.

,,But there is no one there," he explained.

,,Just go!" I hissed, because I was at my wits' end.

I felt sorry for him, because he couldn't know that there was a lake behind the forest, where I always go when I'm either at my wits' end or just need to think.

,,Yes, ma'am," he said.

I couldn't be pregnant after all.
I just can't.

I'm only 20 and I don't have time for a child.
Mason and I agreed that we never wanted to have children and I was happy with that.
I was never bothered by the thought that I would never be a mother, even though I used to want children because I wanted to be a better mother to my children than my mother was to me.

When the cab driver let me out near the forest, I quickly walked into the forest to get to the lake.

I don't even remember paying the cab driver, but at that moment I didn't care.

When I arrived at the lake, I sat down on the shore as usual and looked up at the blue sky.

"Hey, God,
It's me again, Britney.
Sorry to bother you, but I have a problem again.
Well, if I can call it that.
I'm pregnant.
I don't know why you had to give me a child now of all times, but the timing couldn't be worse.
I can't raise a child.
Hell, I'm still a kid myself.
I haven't experienced anything in my life yet and with a child I can't anymore.
Just when I thought my life was going well for once, you come and destroy everything.
No damn sorry.
I always blame you, even though I'm not even completely convinced of your existence.
But forgive me.
We humans do it a lot.
So putting blame on others.
It's just easier to have someone to yell at.
With my father, I was the person he always blamed.
And it's just you with me.
My father had always said that he couldn't live his life because of me.
I am afraid the same thing will happen to me and I will become hateful.
Please help me.
I don't know what to do.
I know this sounds heinous, but please do this, that child is dying," I said.

I threw up in the lake because I was so disgusted with my own words.

I am a horrible person.
But me and Mason didn't have time for a child.

Jesus.

Mason.

I hadn't thought of him.
What would he say? Would he want the child?
Moment would I even tell him?

Yes, of course, he is the father and I am the mother.
When I said that, I realized something.

I am pregnant.
I am really pregnant!

,,FUCK!" I screamed in the forest.

I went home after a while and at home Mason was already waiting for me.
I was nervous all the way home because I didn't know how to tell him.

,,Hello, love" he said.

I loved it when he called me love.

,,Hey," I breathed softly.

,,Are you okay? Where have you been all day?" he asked.

,,I'm just tired, I went for a walk," I explained.

Oh God, now is the moment when he finds out.

,,Is there anything new?" he asked.

I paused for a moment.

,,No. Nothing special," I said.

Well except that you're going to be a father because I'm pregnant and our lives are going to change completely now and I don't know if you're going to leave me and I'm going to have to raise the kid by myself.

,,Okay," he said.

I just couldn't tell him.
His life is going so well right now.
I can't tell him.

At least not yet.