Little Red

15

It wouldn't come off.  It just wouldn't come off.

No matter how much soap I used, or how hard I scrubbed. I still felt it on my skin which was now red and blotchy. Three days.

That's how long it's been, three days and It all still felt like had never come off.

I had said I was fine. When of course I  really wasn't.

Aside from the first vampire attack that had landed me in the hospital I didn't really have time to dwell on what I had done or possibly done. This time was different as I stood in the shower scrubbing while the hot water washed away the tears.

The hot water stung. It was good though. It kept me rooted.

A knock sound from my door. Already knowing who it was I didn't answer.

He's been checking up on me a few times a day. Even I felt like I was taking two steps back he was there. Asking if I needed anything or if I was still ok.

I couldn't tell him the truth. That I wasn't ok. That i didn't feel ok. I never have and this was the tip of the iceberg. I was close to my breaking point. I could feel it.

"Red?"

"Be out In a minute"

I had told the same thing to Rebecca thirty minutes ago.

An angry grunt left my lips as I got frustrated. I just wanted to feel clean. But instead I felt sticky and dirty.

"Come on"

I wasn't paying attention when the door open nor when Patricks hand reached in and turned the water off then soon offering me the towel.

"I'll be out...I..."

The curtain opened and I didn't even care if he saw me or not. That's how far gone I was but when I looked up, his was looking away and had the towel spread out ready for me to step into it.

"Its ok, come on"

His voice was gentle. Coaxing even and I couldn't tell him no so I stepped into the towel, settling it securely around my body before he looked at me and without saying anything he lead me to my bed and sat me on it before rummaging around until he produced a pair of black sweatpants and a t-shirt.

"I'll turn around"

And he did so until I was fully dressed telling him a quiet "ok" telling him he could turn around.

I didn't look up though. Not when he placed a gentle hand on my leg or even when he moved a strand of hair out of my face.

I couldn't look at him because if I did I knew he'd see my red and puffy cheeks and my blood shot eyes.

" you're not ok"

"Im fine. I just need..."

"Sarah, you don't have to pretend with me"

And that was it. That was all it took before the damn broke again and instantly he held me. Like he did before and he held me until I stopped.

He didnt say anything. Not as his hand gently caresses my hair while the other embraced me tightly. I felt safe, and that was something I haven't felt in over ten years.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"I never killed anything before. Before, when I was attacked at the Pink Lotus I thought I may have killed one but I wasn't sure. Everything was happening so fast I didn't really have time to react. But the other day... there was so many of them. I was terrified. Then one grabbed me and  dragged me and It was like I couldn't stop screaming until I realized what I had done. Then you came and I thought it was another one and I didn't know if I could..."

"It gets easier"

"How? How does killing anything get easier?"

He looked down at me then. His eyes searching mine.

"Because when it comes down to protecting the people you care about there's no second guessing. Sarah, those things were already dead. You did nothing wrong. You defended yourself and what Andrew told me even saved his life. I am proud of you and I care more that your safe more than I care about the vampire being dead"

I laid my head back on his shoulder as he continued running his fingers through my hair. The gesture putting me to sleep. Not that I wasn't already tired from the lack of sleep I've been getting but that had done it. I gave in.

"Patrick?"

"Yeah?"

"Your mate is going to be lucky to have you"

"Red, I need to tell you something..."

"Mmm"

I didn't hear him. As I quickly drifted. The sleep claiming me quickly the longer he had ran his fingers through my hair.

But when I woke hours later. I had been laid on my bed and covered up with a throw blanket and Patrick no where in sight.

I couldn't be upset though. He had a mate and the closer I got the more I'd fall.... and I didn't want to fall because I knew there'd be no one to catch me. Not that I wasn't used to it.

Even though I was thankful he helped me down from whatever I was feeling but if I was being honest, it was all still there.

Even when the rest of the day went by I hadn't seen him or sensed him anywhere in the house. The scent he left behind being a few hours old.

"Hey, I was just about to come up and check on you, you've been out for awhile. Are you hungry?"

Grace had just entered the livingroom as I had. As always she smiled kindly at me as she took my hands in hers looking over my broke out skin. Then her smile lightly faulted replaced with one of concern.

"Come on, I put back some Lasagna for you. You do like lasagna right?"

"Yes,  thank you"

"Its no problem"

She cleaned around the kitchen while I hate. Not much being said before she placed her cleaning cloth on the counter and spoke out.

"I was Human when I met Patrick's father You know and I loved him instantly. His pack was at war with another when we found eachother. I didn't listen when he told me to stay with the guards he assigned me for when he wasnt there. All for my safety of course. I didn't listen. Something in my gut told me to go to him. So I did. If I hadn't he would have died. His wolf was fighting another when the rival packs Beta remained in human form ready to lung a knife into his side. So I did what I had to to protect my mate"

She stepped away from the counter and pulled up her shirt just an inch to show a straight pale line along her abdomen.

"When he stabbed me. Grabbed the knife from where it was plunged into me and dug it into the betas heart. That was the first time I ever killed anyone. Even though I did it in both self defense and to save someone I cared about. It still didn't make it any easier. It never does really but I rest easily knowing that I will do whatever is necessary to make sure my mate and son are safe"

"Patrick said something Similar"

"Yes I assumed he would but that's not why I told you. I told you because I can relate to you my dear. That I understood"

"Thank you Grace"

"You're welcome sweetheart. Now when you're done, you and I are going birthday shopping"

I didn't know if I liked the sound of that.