Chapter 46: Sad truth

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The look on Tristan's face was the look I was running from. Astonished, confused, hurt, painful, disbelieve, and speechless.

He shook his head at me as if he did not recognize me, stepping away from me, which hurt. "You-you have stage four brain cancer?" He looked at Ashely, who looked remorseful, then back at me, waiting for me to answer him as if he did not believe the first time when I spoke.

It was hard to bring myself to say it but I did. "Yes-"

His eyes were swole. "You are dying!" He pointed at me with outrage and was in shock and disbelief. "When was I going to know that?" He whispered, looking at me and shaking his head.

I bowed my head, sobbing. "I-I was going to tell you-"

"Yet you didn't! Knowing damn well I am afraid to lose people! Now you're leaving!" He screamed at me, and I closed my eyes and opened them again.

"I am sorry!" I yelled, trying to reach him, but he avoided my hands.

It pained, but I deserved it. I didn't want to hurt him.

"You knew that, but you still spend your time with me so I could fall in love with you, then you leave me! How selfish are you?!" He asked in disbelief, frowning at me.

"Tristan..." Jax softly said.

"No, Jax, she knew what she was doing! She wanted to break me...and you did! Fuck!" He yelled, shaking his head. "How long have you known?"

"A year, but I found out a few days ago I was dying I-I didn't want to hurt you-"

"How could you possibly, didn't want that when you knew you would die and leave me with questions and even more heartbroken!'' He shouted, the vein in his forehead standing out rigid while he fumed.

"This was what I was running from...your reaction. We-we were already close when I found out, so it was hard, but after the closer we got, I got more scared, and I had no idea how you would react if I break it to you-"

"It was better than keeping me in the dark, it was better for me to know from the start, so I didn't get any closer to you, Alyssa! You know how much I am terrified of losing people that means a lot to me. That was why I avoided love...until I met you and began to know you...." Tears were running from his eyes, and that broke me. "I gave you a chance because I thought you'll never leave me...I never wanted you to leave," he shook his head slowly, looking at me, crying.

"I am sorry-" I could not do anything else than apologize because I did this to myself. I did this to him, and I blamed myself.

"Saying sorry can't heal you, ALYSSA! It fucking can't! You're still dying, leaving me....us, and there is nothing that could be done..." He said hopelessly with hurt, dropping his hands to his sides and wiping away the tears that kept coming.

I shook my head at him. "It's not my fault that I am dying, Tristan. If I could change that, I would. I promise I would-"

"It's your fault that I fell for you! You knew that you were dying, but you kept it, leading me on..."

Why was he pinning all of this on me? This wasn't all my fault!

"So all of this is my fault? All I am hearing is you blaming me! All of this on me when you were the one who wanted to be friends in the first place, and I only allowed it because you wanted it and I liked you-"

"But you kept you being sick from me the entire time. If I knew, I wouldn't have even gotten any closer to you, and all of this wouldn't have mattered! You wouldn't matter..."

I scuffed, staring at him. "So you're saying you regret us?" I whispered at him.

It hit a spot hearing him say that.

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